Normal Adolescent Development—

Middle School and Early High School Years
Parents are often worried or confused by changes in their teenagers. The following information should help parents understand this phase of development. Each teenager is an individual with a unique personality and special interests, likes and dislikes. However, there are also numerous developmental issues that everyone faces during the adolescent years. The normal feelings and behaviors of the middle school and early high school adolescent are described below.

Movement Towards Independence

• Complaints that parents interfere with independence
• Feeling awkward or strange about one's self and one's body
• Focus on self, alternating between high expectations and poor self-esteem
• Improved ability to use speech to express one's self
• Interests and clothing style influenced by peer group
• Less overt affection shown to parents, with occasional rudeness
• Moodiness
• Realization that parents are not perfect; identification of their faults
• Struggle with sense of identity
• Tendency to return to childish behavior, particularly when stressed

Future Interests and Cognitive Changes

• Greater ability to do work (physical, mental, emotional)
• Intellectual interests expand and gain in importance
• Mostly interested in present, with limited thoughts of the future

Sexuality

• Concerns regarding physical and sexual attractiveness to others
• Display shyness, blushing, and modesty
• Frequently changing relationships
• Girls develop physically sooner than boys
• Increased interest in sex
• Movement toward heterosexuality with fears of homosexuality
• Worries about being normal

Morals, Values, and Self-Direction

• Capacity for abstract thought
• Development of ideals and selection of role models
• Experimentation with sex and drugs (cigarettes, alcohol, and marijuana)
• More consistent evidence of conscience
• Rule and limit testing

Young teenagers do vary slightly from the above descriptions, but the feelings and behaviors are, in general, considered normal for each stage of adolescence.

Late High School Years and Beyond

Parents are often worried or confused by changes in their teenagers. The following information should help parents understand this phase of development. Each teenager is an individual with a unique personality and special interests, likes and dislikes. However, there are also numerous developmental issues that everyone faces during the adolescent years. The normal feelings and behaviors of the late high school adolescent are described below.

Movement towards Independence

• Ability to think ideas through
• Conflict with parents begins to decrease
• Examination of inner experiences
• Firmer and more cohesive sense of identity
• Increased ability for delayed gratification and compromise
• Increased concern for others
• Increased emotional stability
• Increased independent functioning
• Increased self-reliance
• Peer relationships remain important and take an appropriate place among other interests

Future Interests and Cognitive Changes

• Increased concern for the future
• More importance is placed on one's role in life
• Work habits become more defined

Sexuality

• Development of more serious relationships
• Feelings of love and passion
• Firmer sense of sexual identity
• Increased capacity for tender and sensual love

Morals, Values, and Self-Direction

• Capacity to use insight
• Greater capacity for setting goals
• Increased emphasis on personal dignity and self-esteem
• Interest in moral reasoning
• Social and cultural traditions regain some of their previous importance

Older teenagers do vary slightly from the above descriptions, but the feelings and behaviors are, in general, considered normal for each stage of adolescence.

Helping Your Teen Develop Healthy Independence—

Organized youth activities help teens develop independence without the conflict and distancing from their families that parents have come to anticipate during adolescence.

Participation in these groups can make the teen passage smoother for everyone. When parents negotiate teen independence around such issues as going to parties, messy rooms, or the choice of a girlfriend or boyfriend, it's rarely a win-win situation.

In youth activities, teens develop independence in a way parents can appreciate. Teens learn to speak up for themselves, develop social confidence, work with peers toward a goal or as part of a team, and learn how to regulate their emotions, all skills they eventually bring home for use in a family setting.

But teens also report that participating in these activities make them feel closer to their families, which runs counter to what we've come to expect of family relationships during adolescence.

In a study, published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 113 high-school students in 12 arts, technology, and leadership/service programs were interviewed biweekly over a two- to nine-month period of participation. Researchers also spoke with program advisers and parents about the teens' development as they participated in their activity and asked how teens' participation affected family relationships and household routines.

The study showed that organized youth activities allow teens to gradually negotiate their independence in a context of continued family connection, a situation developmental psychologists see as the ideal course of development.

In the past, experts have thought that tension and family conflict were necessary during adolescence so that teens can separate from their families. But new research shows that teens who have more conflict with their parents continue to have struggles and don't do as well in adulthood.

Instead of discouraging teens from participating in youth activities for fear of over-scheduling them and losing precious family time, parents should encourage their teens to participate in at least one organized activity outside of school.

In most families, teens choose an activity they like or have an interest in, and parents support and encourage them. Everyone's on the same wavelength. Parents take steps to facilitate their child's involvement, such as providing rides or relaxing rules so that kids can take part. For parents in high-risk neighborhoods, permitting and supporting a teen's independence could have critical, if not life-threatening, consequences.

Marco, an urban youth from a Mexican-American family, described his parents' reactions when he decided to attend Art First in middle school: "My mother and father were reluctant to let me go to because it was far away from home, and they were worried. The first few days my dad took the train with me to help me see where I would get off, to make sure I had every detail down. Then I took the train by myself."

Granting such freedom often involves progressive trust-building with youth. One mother said, "I had to trust Monique with the key to my house, as well as trust her to go to the program and come home without having any problems."

Monique's mother learned to have confidence in her, and many teens in the study reported that their parents were treating them with more respect and were interested in their opinions because of the new behaviors they displayed as a result of participating in these activities.

Supportive parents noticed and took pride in their children's accomplishments and attended events and special program activities, but it was important for the teens to set boundaries on parents' involvement. Research on how adults support youth's growing independence includes not just things parents do, but things they don't do.

In some cases, teens had to gently negotiate the extent of parental involvement and assistance. That too was a process that led both to autonomy and closer emotional ties, including mutual respect.
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Dr. Richard Falzone describes the developmental tasks of adolescence.