Bullying—

Bullying is a common experience for many children and adolescents. Surveys indicate that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years, and at least 10% are bullied on a regular basis.

Bullying behavior can be physical or verbal. Boys tend to use physical intimidation or threats, regardless of the gender of their victims. Bullying by girls is more often verbal, usually with another girl as the target. Recently, bullying has even been reported in online chat rooms and through e-mail.

A lot of young people have a good idea of what bullying is because they see it every day! Bullying happens when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose and the person being bullied has a hard time defending himself or herself. Usually, bullying happens over and over.

• Getting certain people to "gang up" on others
• Keeping certain people out of a "group"
• Punching, shoving and other acts that hurt people physically
• Spreading bad rumors about people
• Teasing people in a mean way

Bullying also can happen on-line or electronically. cyber bullying is when children or teens bully each other using the Internet, mobile phones or other cyber technology. This can include:

• Using someone else's user name to spread rumors or lies about someone
• Sending mean text, e-mail, or instant messages
• Posting nasty pictures or messages about others in blogs or on Web sites

Children who are bullied experience real suffering that can interfere with their social and emotional development, as well as their school performance. Some victims of bullying have even attempted suicide rather than continue to endure such harassment and punishment.

Children and adolescents who bully thrive on controlling or dominating others. They have often been the victims of physical abuse or bullying themselves. Bullies may also be depressed, angry or upset about events at school or at home. Children targeted by bullies also tend to fit a particular profile. Bullies often choose children who are passive, easily intimidated, or have few friends. Victims may also be smaller or younger, and have a harder time defending themselves.

There are all kinds of reasons why young people bully others, either occasionally or often.

• Because they see others doing it
• Because it makes them feel, stronger, smarter, or better than the person they’re bullying
• Because it's one of the best ways to keep others from bullying them
• Because it's what you do if you want to hang out with the right crowd

If you suspect your child is bullying others, it's important to seek help for him or her as soon as possible. Without intervention, bullying can lead to serious academic, social, emotional and legal difficulties. Talk to your child's pediatrician, teacher, principal, school counselor, or family physician. If the bullying continues, a comprehensive evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist or other mental health professional should be arranged. The evaluation can help you and your child understand what is causing the bullying, and help you develop a plan to stop the destructive behavior.

If you suspect your child may be the victim of bullying ask him or her to tell you what's going on. You can help by providing lots of opportunities to talk with you in an open and honest way.

Effects of bullying—

• It can lead to huge problems later in life. Children who bully are more likely to get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school. And 60% of boys who were bullies in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24 (Olweus, 1993).

• It can mess up a kid's future. Young people who bully are more likely than those who don't bully to skip school and drop out of school. They are also more likely to smoke, drink alcohol and get into fights (Nansel et al, 2003; Olweus, 1993).

• It happens a lot more than some people think - Studies show that between 15-25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency, while 15-20% report they bully others with some frequency (Melton et al, 1988; Nansel et al, 2001).

• It scares some people so much that they skip school. As many as 160,000 students may stay home on any given day because they're afraid of being bullied (Pollack, 1998).

It's important to respond in a positive and accepting manner. Let your child know it's not his or her fault, and that he or she did the right thing by telling you. Other specific suggestions include the following:

• Seek help from your child's teacher or the school guidance counselor. Most bullying occurs on playgrounds, in lunchrooms, and bathrooms, on school buses or in unsupervised halls. Ask the school administrators to find out about programs other schools and communities have used to help combat bullying, such as peer mediation, conflict resolution, and anger management training, and increased adult supervision.

• Help your child practice what to say to the bully so he or she will be prepared the next time.

• Help your child practice being assertive. The simple act of insisting that the bully leave him alone may have a surprising effect. Explain to your child that the bully's true goal is to get a response.

• Encourage your child to be with friends when traveling back and forth from school, during shopping trips, or on other outings. Bullies are less likely to pick on a child in a group.

• Don't encourage your child to fight back. Instead, suggest that he or she try walking away to avoid the bully, or that they seek help from a teacher, coach, or other adult.
  

• Ask your child what he or she thinks should be done. What's already been tried? What worked and what didn't?

If your child becomes withdrawn, depressed or reluctant to go to school, or if you see a decline in school performance, additional consultation or intervention may be required. A child and adolescent psychiatrist or other mental health professional can help your child and family and the school develop a strategy to deal with the bullying. Seeking professional assistance earlier can lessen the risk of lasting emotional consequences for your child.

When Your Child Is The Bully—

It can be shocking and upsetting to learn that your child has gotten in trouble for picking on others or been labeled a bully.

As difficult as it may be to process this news, it's important to deal with it right away. Whether the bullying is physical or verbal, if it's not stopped it can lead to more aggressive antisocial behavior and interfere with your child's success in school and ability to form and sustain friendships.

Understanding Bullying Behavior

Kids bully for many reasons. Some bully because they feel insecure. Picking on someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker provides a feeling of being more important, popular, or in control. In other cases, kids bully because they simply don't know that it's unacceptable to pick on kids who are different because of size, looks, race, or religion.

In some cases bullying is a part of an ongoing pattern of defiant or aggressive behavior. These kids are likely to need help learning to manage anger and hurt, frustration, or other strong emotions. They may not have the skills they need to cooperate with others. Professional counseling can often help them learn to deal with their feelings, curb their bullying, and improve their social skills.

Some kids who bully at school and in settings with their peers are copying behavior that they see at home. Kids who are exposed to aggressive and unkind interactions in the family often learn to treat others the same way. And kids who are on the receiving end of taunting learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.

Helping Kids Stop Bullying

Let your child know that bullying is unacceptable and that there will be serious consequences at home, school, and in the community if it continues.

Try to understand the reasons behind your child's behavior. In some cases, kids bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity. In other cases, kids haven't learned cooperative ways to work out conflicts and understand differences.

Be sure to:

• Encourage good behavior. Positive reinforcement can be more powerful than negative discipline. Catch your kids being good — and when they handle situations in ways that are constructive or positive, take notice and praise them for it.

• Learn about your child's social life. Look for insight into the factors that may be influencing your child's behavior in the school environment (or wherever the bullying is occurring). Talk with parents of your child's friends and peers, teachers, guidance counselors, and the school principal. Do other kids bully? What about your child's friends? What kinds of pressures do the kids face at school? Talk to your kids about those relationships and about the pressures to fit in. Get them involved in activities outside of school so that they meet and develop friendships with other kids.

• Set a good example. Think carefully about how you talk around your kids and how you handle conflict and problems. If you behave aggressively — toward or in front of your kids — chances are they'll follow your example. Instead, point out positives in others, rather than negatives. And when conflicts arise in your own life, be open about the frustrations you have and how you cope with your feelings.

• Take bullying seriously. Make sure your kids understand that you will not tolerate bullying at home or anywhere else. Establish rules about bullying and stick to them. If you punish your child by taking away privileges, be sure it's meaningful. For example, if your child bullies other kids via email, text messages, or a social networking site, dock phone or computer privileges for a period of time. If your child acts aggressively at home, with siblings or others, put a stop to it. Teach more appropriate (and nonviolent) ways to react, like walking away.

• Teach kids to treat others with respect and kindness. Teach your child that it is wrong to ridicule differences (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status) and try to instill a sense of empathy for those who are different. Consider getting involved together in a community group where your child can interact with kids who are different.

Starting at Home

When looking for the influences on your child's behavior, look first at what's happening at home. Kids who live with yelling, name-calling, putdowns, harsh criticism, or physical anger from a sibling or parent/caregiver may act that out in other settings.

It's natural — and common — for kids to fight with their siblings at home. And unless there's a risk of physical violence it's wise not to get involved. But monitor the name-calling and any physical altercations and be sure to talk to each child regularly about what's acceptable and what's not.

It's important to keep your own behavior in check too. Watch how you talk to your kids, and how you react to your own strong emotions when they're around. There will be situations that warrant discipline and constructive criticism. But take care not to let that slip into name-calling and accusations. If you're not pleased with your child's behavior, stress that it's the behavior that you'd like your child to change, and you have confidence that he or she can do it.

If your family is going through a stressful life event that you feel may have contributed to your child's behavior, reach out for help from the resources at school and in your community. Guidance counselors, pastors, therapists, and your doctor can help.

Getting Help

To help a child stop bullying, talk with teachers, guidance counselors, and other school officials who can help you identify situations that lead to bullying and provide assistance.

Your doctor also might be able to help. If your child has a history of arguing, defiance, and trouble controlling anger, consider an evaluation with a therapist or behavioral health professional.

As difficult and frustrating as it can be to help kids stop bullying, remember that bad behavior won't just stop on its own. Think about the success and happiness you want your kids to find in school, work, and relationships throughout life, and know that curbing bullying now is progress toward those goals.

If your child has been – or is being – bullied, have them read the following:

So you're being bullied, huh? That can feel pretty awful. But, no matter how bad it makes you feel sometimes, you should know you're not alone. That's right ... there are plenty of kids all over the world who go through the same things you do every day. And, even though you may feel helpless sometimes, there are a lot of things you and others can do to help stop the bullying. Give these tips a try.

Always tell an adult. It's hard to talk about serious things with adults sometimes, but they can help put a stop to bullying. Tell an adult that you trust and can talk to—your parents, your teacher, your school counselor, your coach, your neighbor. If you've told a grown-up before and they haven't done anything about it, tell someone else. And if you're afraid to tell an adult that you have been bullied, get another person—like a friend or a sister or brother—to go with you. Having someone else there to support you can make it a lot less scary. Tell the adults exactly what has happened—who did the bullying, where and when it happened, how long it's been happening to you, and how it's making you feel. If you talk with an adult at your school, ask them what they will do to help stop the bullying. It is their job to help keep you safe. Most adults really care about bullying and will do everything they can to help you.

Telling an adult can seem hard. Here’s one way a kid has done this:

Raven—

Here’s what happened to me last week. I was at home on Thursday night, doing my social studies homework on my family’s computer. My brain needed a break, so I decided to send an e-mail to my friend Lasa to see what was up. When I opened my messages, I noticed that I had an e-mail from someone named “Guess Who?” I thought it was Lasa sending me a funny note, so I opened the email.

Guess what? The e-mail was definitely not from Lasa. Here’s what it said.

“Hey, Raven. You are so lame. Everyone in school hates you. You think you’re better than everyone else, but you’re not. You wear ugly clothes and you have stupid looking glasses. Do you think you’re smart? Well you’re not! I saw you cheat on the math test last week and I’m going to tell everyone.”

Pretty bad, huh? I felt sick to my stomach. In about 10 seconds, a million thoughts ran through my head….like, “Who would say these mean things? I do not think I’m better than everyone else! I would never cheat! Why would someone say that I did? Do kids at school really hate me?”

I must have looked pretty shocked, because my Mom, who was doing the dishes in the kitchen, asked me, “Raven, what’s wrong? You look like someone just kicked you in the stomach? Are you feeling OK?”

I said, “Nothing. I’m fine.” But I guess I wasn’t very believable because my Mom got a worried look on her face and came over to the computer.

I thought about hiding the e-mail from her. My Mom is pretty smart, so I decided I’d better tell her. I showed her the note.

After she read it, she looked shocked. “What horrible things to say! Who sent this to you, Raven?”

I told her, “I don’t know, but maybe I should send a note back to see if I can find out, or at least to tell them to cut it out.”

My Mom said it probably would be best not to send a note back. She thought this might make things even worse. Here’s what we did instead. First, we saved the e-mail and also printed it out so that we will have this as evidence if we need it later on. We also blocked the sender from my e-mail account so that they can’t send more e-mails to me.

Because the person who sent the note was probably someone at my school, my Mom and I set up a meeting with my math teacher and guidance counselor to tell them what happened. I was really nervous about this. I mean, what if my math teacher didn’t believe me and thought I cheated? What if they told everyone at school what happened and made everything worse?

It turned out that the teacher and counselor were really nice. They were upset about the e-mail and said that there had been other students at school who had been cyberbullied. They said they would send a report to the principal and would watch out for me. The teacher and counselor told me to be sure to talk with them again if I have any problems with bullying.

This week all of the teachers in my school talked about cyber bullying in class meetings with students. None of the teachers talked about me or my e-mail problem specifically (which was good). But, they reminded everyone about the school’s rules against bullying, and they talked about how cyber bullying was really serious.

Well, it’s now a week later. Thinking about the e-mail still makes me kind of upset. The good news is that I haven’t gotten any more mean e-mails. I told a couple of my good friends—Lasa and Josh—about what happened. They were really upset for me.

If I get any more e-mails, I’ll be sure to tell my Mom and my teacher or guidance counselor. I wasn’t sure they could help, but they really did.

Stay in a group. Kids who bully like to pick on kids who are by themselves a lot— it's easier and they're more likely to get away with their bad behavior. If you spend more time with other kids, you may not be an easy "target" and you'll have others around to help you if you get into a difficult situation!

If it feels safe, try to stand up to the person who is bullying you. If the person who is bullying you thinks you won't do anything about it, they are more likely to keep picking on you. This doesn't mean you should fight back or bully them back. Instead, tell the person bullying you that you don't like it and that they should stop! Keep it simple. You might just say, "Cut it out, Miranda!", and then walk away. If possible, try to talk to them in a calm voice. Kids who bully often like to see that they can make you upset. If you're afraid to talk to the person who is bullying you by yourself, then you might want to ask someone else to be there with you.

Kids who bully are more likely to listen, and less likely to bully you, when you're with someone and not alone. If you're not comfortable standing up to someone who has bullied you, that's definitely OK! Just walk away. But be sure to tell an adult.

If you are being bullied on-line, don't reply. This may actually make the bullying worse. Instead, be sure to tell a family member or another adult you trust. If possible, block any more communications from this person. (For example, it might be a good idea only to accept messages from people you know.) Save evidence of the bullying. If you get a nasty e-mail, print it out or save it so that you can show it to an adult.

Join clubs or take part in activities where you'll meet other kids. Sometimes, it can help to join clubs or take part in activities that interest you. Think about joining a sports team, taking an art class, or joining a scouting group, for example. You can meet other kids who share your interests and you might make some good friends!

What NOT to do if you are bullied.

DON'T...

• fight back or bully a person back. This probably won't make things any better and it might get you into big trouble. Besides, you should try to act better than the person who bullies you.
• hurt yourself. Some kids who are bullied get so sad and depressed that they may try to hurt themselves because they think there is nothing else they can do. This definitely isn't the answer. Talk with an adult immediately and tell them how you are feeling. They can help stop the bullying.
• keep it to yourself and just hope the bullying will "go away." It's normal to want to try to ignore bullying and hope that it will stop—or hope that the person will start to pick on someone else. But, often, bullying won't stop until adults and other kids get involved. So, be sure to report the bullying.
• skip school or avoid clubs or sports because you're afraid of being bullied. Missing out on school or activities that you enjoy isn't the answer. You have a right to be there!
• think it's your fault. Nobody deserves to be bullied!
• think that you're a "tattle tale" if you tell an adult that you've been bullied. Telling is NOT tattling! It's the right thing to do.

Video: Teen Confronts Her Bully--


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Children Who Steal : Advice for Parents & Teachers

When a child or teenager steals, parents and teachers are naturally concerned. They worry about what caused the child to steal, and they wonder whether the child is a "juvenile delinquent."

Why Kids and Teens Steal

Motives for stealing can differ from child to child, and any one child can steal for a variety of reasons. Children may steal because:

1. They are expressing displaced feelings of anxiety, anger, or alienation resulting from a major life change such as parental divorce, moving to a new school, or being rejected by peers.
2. They are rebelling against authority.
3. They are suffering a form of abuse and need help.
4. They crave what others have but they cannot buy -- for example: food treats, popular name-brand clothing or electronic equipment.
5. They desire to fit in with a peer group that steals.
6. They have not been taught that stealing is wrong.
7. They have observed the adults in their life take and keep things that did not belong to them -- for example, dad bringing home office supplies or mom keeping incorrect change when the store clerk made a mistake.
8. They have poor impulse control and want instant gratification.
9. They lack family closeness and feel neglected; a stolen object might serve as a substitute for love.
10. They like the thrill that comes from stealing.
11. They need money to buy drugs.
12. They think they can get away with it.
13. They want an adult’s attention.
14. They want revenge for the pain they feel others have inflicted on them so they steal to get even or to hurt someone.
15. They want to appear tough, bold, and important.
16. Elementary school children usually know they're not supposed to take something without paying, but they may take it anyway because they lack enough self-control.
17. Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal, but they may steal for the thrill of it or because their friends are doing it. Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're given more control over their lives, some teens may steal as a way of rebelling.
18. Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to take something without paying for it.

And there may be more complex reasons why some children and teens steal. They may be angry or want attention. Their behavior may reflect stressful problems they're having at home, at school, or with friends. Some may steal as a cry for help because of emotional or physical abuse they're enduring at home.

In other cases, kids and teens might steal because they can't afford to pay for what they need or want - for example, they may steal to get popular name-brand items. In some cases, they may take things to support drug habits.

It is normal for a very young child to take something which excites his or her interest. This should not be regarded as stealing until the youngster is old enough, usually three to five years old, to understand that taking something which belongs to another person is wrong. Parents should actively teach their children about property rights and the consideration of others. Parents are also role models. If you come home with stationary or pens from the office or brag about a mistake at the supermarket checkout counter, your lessons about honesty will be a lot harder for your child to understand.

Whatever the reason for stealing, parents need to find out the root of the behavior and address other underlying problems, like drug abuse, that may surface.

What can teachers do?

1. Ask the guidance counselor to teach lessons on honesty.

2. Compliment and reinforce honest behavior in students.

3. Explain that stealing means taking something that belongs to someone else and that it is wrong, unacceptable and dishonest. Clarify that when an individual takes something without asking or paying for it, someone will be hurt. For example, if a child takes someone¹s pencil, he will be unable to do his work. If girl’s bracelet is stolen, she might get in trouble at home.

4. Invite a police officer as a guest speaker to explain the ramifications of theft.

5. Teach the concept of ownership and how it makes others feel to have something stolen from them. Use examples and ask children questions like, "How would you feel if someone liked your new coat, took it, and said it was his?"

How to Handle a Stealing Situation for First Offenders

1. Remain calm. Deal with the situation in a straightforward manner. Show your disapproval, but do not interrogate, lecture or humiliate the child.

2. If you are sure who took an item, talk to the child privately. Do not ask, “Did you take the money?” Instead say something like, “I know you took the money. I am disappointed because I thought I could trust you.” Then you might ask, “Is there a reason you needed the money?” Then listen and try to understand the problems the child may be having.

3. Students who steal need to experience a consequence such as apologizing, returning or replacing the item or making restitution in some other way, as well as losing a privilege. You need to decide what will happen if the child steals again and let him or her know what the consequence will be.

4. If you are not sure who took an item, provide an opportunity for the “taker” to return it and save face. For example say, “Whoever found Adam’s hat needs to return it.” Or say, “Everyone look in your backpack to see if Adam¹s hat was accidentally put in it.”

5. Do not label the child “bad” or a “thief.” Let the child experience a “clean slate.”

6. Take time to ask yourself why the behavior occurred:

• What personal problems could the child be having?
• Is the child stealing to call attention to him or herself?
• Which of the reasons listed above fit this child?
  

Then decide on a way to get to know the child better. Examples are eating lunch with him or her and one or two other children, talking with the child on the playground, or meeting with him or her before or after school.

7. Limit the opportunity for theft to occur by locking up valuable items and by closely observing the child.

What if the above methods are ineffective, and the student does not express remorse, continues to steal, or has other behavioral problems?

1. Contact the school administrator.
2. Follow the school guidelines.
3. Involve the school counselor or school psychologist who can help the child learn appropriate ways of behaving.. An evaluation by a child psychiatrist may be necessary.
4. Make sure the parent is aware of the concern.

What Can Parents Do?

Although they have learned that theft is wrong, older children or teenagers steal for various reasons. A youngster may steal to make things equal if a brother or sister seems to be favored with affection or gifts. Sometimes, a child may steal as a show of bravery to friends, or to give presents to family or friends or to be more accepted by peers. Children may also steal out of a fear of dependency; they don't want to depend on anyone, so they take what they need.

When a child has been caught stealing, a parent's reaction should depend on whether it's the first time or there's a pattern of stealing.

With very young children, parents need to help them understand that stealing is wrong - that when you take something without asking or paying for it, it hurts someone else. If a preschooler takes a piece of candy, for instance, parents can help the child return the item. If the child has already eaten the candy, parents can take the child back to the store to apologize and pay for it.

With school-age children, too, it's important to return the stolen item. By the first and second grades, kids should know stealing is wrong. But they may need a better understanding of the consequences.

Here's an example: If a child comes home with a friend's bracelet and it's clear the child took it without the friend's permission, the parent should talk to the child about how it would feel if a friend took something without asking first. The parent should encourage the child to call the friend to apologize, explain what happened, and promise to return it.

When teens steal, it's recommended that parents follow through with stricter consequences. For example, when a teen is caught stealing, the parent can take the child back to the store and meet with the security department to explain and apologize for what happened.

Parents should consider whether the child has stolen out of a need for more attention. In these cases, the child may be expressing anger or trying to "get even" with his or her parents; the stolen object may become a substitute for love or affection. The parents should make an effort to give more recognition to the child as an important family member.

If parents take the proper measures, in most cases the stealing stops as the child grows older. Child and adolescent psychiatrists recommend that when parents find out their child has stolen, they:

• avoid lecturing, predicting future bad behavior, or saying that they now consider the child to be a thief or a bad person
• help the youngster to pay for or return the stolen object
• make clear that this behavior is totally unacceptable within the family tradition and the community
• make sure that the child does not benefit from the theft in any way
• tell the child that stealing is wrong

When the child has paid for or returned the stolen merchandise, the matter should not be brought up again by the parents, so that the child can begin again with a "clean slate."

The child's embarrassment at facing up to what he or she did by having to return a stolen item makes for an everlasting lesson on why stealing is wrong. Further punishment, particularly physical punishment, of the child is unnecessary and may make the child angry and more likely to engage in even worse behavior. If it's a first-time offense, some stores and businesses may accept a child's or teen's apology and may not necessarily press charges. However, some stores may press charges the first time around. And there's often little sympathy for repeat offenders.

Children of all ages need to know that shoplifting isn't just about taking things from a store - it's taking money from the people who run the businesses. Plus, shoplifting makes prices higher for other customers. They should also know that stealing is a crime and can lead to consequences far worse than being grounded, including juvenile detention centers and even prison.

If a child steals money from a parent, the child should be offered options for paying back the money, like doing extra chores around the house. It's important, however, that a parent doesn't bait the child by leaving out money, in the hopes of catching the child in the act. That could damage the sense of trust between a parent and child.

When Your Child Keeps Stealing

If stealing is persistent or accompanied by other problem behaviors or symptoms, the stealing may be a sign of more serious problems in the child's emotional development or problems in the family. Children who repeatedly steal may also have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships. Rather than feeling guilty, they may blame the behavior on others, arguing that, "Since they refuse to give me what I need, I will take it." These children would benefit from an evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist.

If your child has stolen on more than one occasion, you may consider getting professional help. Repeat offenses may indicate a bigger problem.

One third of juveniles who've been caught shoplifting say it's difficult for them to quit. So, it's important to help kids and teens understand why stealing is wrong and that they may face serious consequences if they continue to steal.

Others who may be able to talk to you and/or your child about the problem and help you address it include a:

• family doctor (who may be able to refer you to a family therapist or counselor)
• family therapist or counselor
• minister, priest, or rabbi
• school counselor (especially if your child is stealing from the school)
• support group, such as the National Association for Shoplifting Prevention or Cleptomaniacs And Shoplifters Anonymous, which may be able to provide information or help (look in your phone book for groups in your area)

In treating a child who steals persistently, a child and adolescent psychiatrist will evaluate the underlying reasons for the child's need to steal, and develop a plan of treatment. Important aspects of treatment are helping the child learn to establish trusting relationships and helping the family to support the child in changing to a more healthy path of development.

Although ordinary acts of theft or shoplifting can be deliberate, motivated by a need, a desire, peer pressure, or rebellion, in extremely rare cases, a person who steals may have kleptomania. With this disorder, which makes up a very small portion of all shoplifting cases, a person repeatedly fails to resist impulses to steal, even though the stolen object is of little value. Individuals with kleptomania often discard the objects after stealing them and also have other personality or eating disorders.

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Self-Injury In Teens—

Cutting isn't new, but this form of self-injury (SI) has been out in the open more in recent years, portrayed in movies and on TV — even talked about by celebrities who have admitted to cutting themselves at some point.

Self-injury is the act of deliberately destroying body tissue, at times to change a way of feeling. Self-injury is seen differently by groups and cultures within society. This appears to have become more popular lately, especially in adolescents.

Cutting is a serious issue that affects many teens. Even if you haven't heard about cutting, chances are good that your teen has and might even know someone who does it. Like other risky behaviors, cutting can be dangerous and habit-forming. In most cases, it is also a sign of deeper emotional distress. In some cases, peers can influence teens to experiment with cutting.

The causes and severity of self-injury can vary. Some forms may include:

• biting
• branding
• bruising
• burning/abrasions
• carving
• cutting
• excessive body piercing
• head banging
• hitting
• marking
• picking, and pulling skin and hair
• scratching
• tattooing

Someone who cuts uses a sharp object to make marks, cuts, or scratches on the body on purpose — enough to break the skin and cause bleeding. People typically cut themselves on their wrists, forearms, thighs, or belly. They might use a razorblade, knife, scissors, a metal tab from a soda can, the end of a paper clip, a nail file, or a pen. Some people burn their skin with the end of a cigarette or lighted match.

Most people who self-injure are girls, but boys do it too. It usually starts during the teen years and can continue into adulthood. In some cases, there's a family history of cutting.

A sense of shame and secrecy often goes along with cutting. Most teens who cut hide the marks and if they're noticed, make up excuses about them. Some teens don't try to hide cuts and might even call attention to them.

Some adolescents may self-mutilate to take risks, rebel, reject their parents' values, state their individuality or merely be accepted. Others, however, may injure themselves out of desperation or anger to seek attention, to show their hopelessness and worthlessness, or because they have suicidal thoughts. These children may suffer from serious psychiatric problems such as depression, psychosis, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Bipolar Disorder. Additionally, some adolescents who engage in self-injury may develop Borderline Personality Disorder as adults. Some young children may resort to self-injurious acts from time to time but often grow out of it. Children with mental retardation and/or autism as well as children who have been abused or abandoned may also show these behaviors.

Cutting often begins as an impulse. But many teens discover that once they start to cut, they do it more and more, and can have trouble stopping. Many teens who self-injure report that cutting provides a sense of relief from deep painful emotions. Because of this, cutting is a behavior that tends to reinforce itself. Cutting can become a teen's habitual way to respond to pressures and unbearable feelings. Many say they feel "addicted" to the behavior. Some would like to stop but don't know how or feel they can't. Other teens don't want to stop cutting.

Why do adolescents self-injure?
Self-injury is a complex behavior and symptom that results from a variety of factors. Adolescents who have difficulty talking about their feelings may show their emotional tension, physical discomfort, pain and low self-esteem with self-injurious behaviors. Although some teenagers may feel like the steam in the pressure cooker has been released following the act of harming themselves, others may feel hurt, anger, fear and hate. The effects of peer pressure and contagion can also influence adolescents to injure themselves. Even though fads come and go, most of the wounds on the adolescents' skin will be permanent. Occasionally, teenagers may hide their scars, burns and bruises due to feeling embarrassed, rejected or criticized about their physical appearance.

Teens cut for many different reasons. For most, cutting is an attempt to interrupt strong emotions that seem impossible to tolerate. Most of the time, cutting is not a suicide attempt. But sadly, people often underestimate the potential to get seriously sick or hurt through bleeding or infections that go along with cutting.

Reason for cutting:

· A sense of relief. Many teens who cut describe the sense of relief they feel as they're cutting, which is common with compulsive behaviors. Some people believe that endorphins might add to the relief teens describe when they cut. Endorphins are the "feel-good" hormones released during intense physical exertion. And they can be released during an injury. Others believe the relief is simply a result of being distracted from painful emotions by intense physical pain and the dramatic sight of blood. Some teens say they don't feel the pain when they cut, but feel relieved because the visible SI "shows" emotional pain they feel.

· Feeling "addicted." Cutting can be habit forming. Though it only provides temporary relief from emotional distress, the more a person cuts, the more he or she feels the need to do it. As with other compulsive behaviors, the brain starts to connect a momentary sense of relief from bad feelings with the act of cutting. Whenever the tension builds, the brain craves that relief and drives the teen to seek relief again by cutting. So cutting can become a habit someone feels powerless to stop. The urge to cut — to get relief — can seem too hard to resist when emotional pressure is high.

· Mental health conditions. Cutting is often linked to — or part of — another mental health condition. Some teens who cut are also struggling with other urges, obsessions, or compulsive behaviors. For some, depression or bipolar disorder can contribute to overwhelming moods that may be difficult for a teen to regulate. For others, mental health conditions that affect personality can cause relationships to feel intense and consuming, but unsteady. For these teens, intense positive attachments can suddenly become terribly disappointing and leave them feeling hurt, anger, or despair too strong to cope with. Other teens struggle with personality traits that attract them to the dangerous excitement of risky behavior or self-destructive acts. Some are prone to dramatic ways of getting reassurance that they are loved and cared about. For others, posttraumatic stress has had an effect on their ability to cope. Or they're struggling with alcohol or substance problems.

· Peer pressure. Some teens are influenced to start cutting by another person who does it. For example, a teen girl might try cutting because her boyfriend cuts. Group peer pressure can play a role, too. Some teens cut in groups and might pressure others to cut. A teen might give in to group pressure to try cutting as a way to seem cool or bold, to belong, or to avoid social bullying.

· Powerful overwhelming emotions. Most teens who cut are struggling with powerful emotions. To them, cutting might seem like the only way to express or interrupt feelings that seem too intense to endure. Emotional pain over rejection, lost or broken relationships, or deep grief can be overwhelming for some teens. And many times they're dealing with emotional pain or difficult situations that no one knows about. Pressure to be perfect or to live up to impossible standards — their own or someone else's — can cause some teens unbearable pain. Some teens who cut have been deeply hurt by harsh treatment or by situations that have left them feeling unsupported, powerless, unworthy, or unloved.

· Self-inflicted physical pain is specific and visible. For some, the physical pain of cutting can seem preferable to emotional pain. Emotional pain can feel vague and hard to pinpoint, talk about, or soothe. When they cut, teens say there is a sense of control and relief to see and know where the specific pain is coming from and a sense of soothing when it stops. Cutting can symbolize inner pain that might not have been verbalized, confided, acknowledged, or healed. And because it's self-inflicted, it is pain the teen controls.

· Some teens have experienced trauma, which can cause waves of emotional numbness called dissociation. For them, cutting can be a way of testing whether they can still "feel" pain. Others describe cutting as a way of "waking up" from that emotional numbness.

What can parents and teenagers do about self-injury?
Parents are encouraged to talk with their children about respecting and valuing their bodies. Parents should also serve as role models for their teenagers by not engaging in acts of self-harm.

Some teens call attention to their self-injury. Or if the SI requires medical attention, that might be a way others find out. But many teens cut for a long time before anyone else knows. Some teens eventually tell someone about their self-injury — because they want help and want to stop, or because they just want someone to understand what they're going through.

Some helpful ways for adolescents to avoid hurting themselves include learning to:

• accept reality and find ways to make the present moment more tolerable.
• develop better social skills.
• distract themselves from feelings of self-harm (for example, counting to ten, waiting 15 minutes, saying "NO!" or "STOP!," practicing breathing exercises, journaling, drawing, thinking about positive images, using ice and rubber bands)
• identify feelings and talk them out rather than acting on them.
• practice positive stress management.
• soothe themselves in a positive, non-injurious, way.
• stop, think, and evaluate the pros and cons of self-injury.

It can take courage and trust to reach out. Many teens hesitate to tell others because they fear being misunderstood, or worry that someone might be angry, upset, disappointed, shocked, or judgmental. Some teens confide in friends, but ask them not to tell. This can create burden and worry for a friend who knows.

If confronted about the cutting, teens can respond in different ways, depending partly on the teen and partly on the how they were approached by it. Some might deny the cutting, while others might admit to it, but deny that it's a problem. Some might get angry and upset or reject efforts to help. Some teens are relieved that someone knows, cares, and wants to help.

Bringing a Halt to Cutting—

Whether or not anyone else knows or has tried to help, some teens cut for a long time before they try to stop. For teens whose cutting is part of another mental health condition, professional help is usually necessary. Sometimes cutting or another symptom leads to a teen's admission to a mental health hospital or clinic. Some teens have more than one hospital stay for self-injury before they feel ready to accept help for cutting or other problems.

Some teens find a way to stop cutting on their own. This might happen if a teen finds a powerful reason to stop (such as realizing how much it hurts a friend), receives needed support, or finds ways to resist the powerful urge to cut. To stop cutting, a person also needs to find new ways to deal with problem situations and regulate emotions that feel overwhelming. This can take time and often requires the help of a mental health professional.

It can be difficult to stop cutting and a teen might not succeed at first. Some people stop for a while and then start cutting again. It takes determination, courage, strength — as well as support from others who understand and care — to break this powerful habit.

Michelle's Tips—The following are tips from Michelle, 16, who had been cutting herself for two years before she arrived at Vista Del Mar, a non-profit treatment facility in Los Angeles, where she has been a resident for almost a year. Michelle is said to be making progress as she continues to work hard in a program developed by the facility's clinical director, Andrew Levander.

Here, Michelle offers these five tips to help others overcome the drive to cut themselves.

• Be ready … and willing to take risks with being open to others.
• Communicate your feelings. Tell someone you trust how you are feeling. Tell them that you think that you want to cut yourself. You don't have to tell them why you're feeling this way; it's enough to tell them that you are feeling this way. If they ask questions you don't want to answer, tell them you can't answer them right now.
• Listen to music. It's easily accessible and you don't need to involve anyone else. Just listen and try to be calm.
• Share your secrets. Confide in someone that you trust, but only when you feel that it's safe enough.
• Start a journal. This is a place where you can write your secrets and not have to actually tell anyone. Write in the journal as often as you need to.

Jaime's Tips—Jaime, who is 17 years old, started cutting herself when she was 12. After several hospitalizations and placements in various residential-treatment programs, Jaime was sent to L.A.-based Vista Del Mar, the nation's first residential-treatment program for adolescents who cut themselves. Today, she is back home. Jaime, who has stopped cutting herself, continues to do well, but has to work hard every day to control her urge to self-injure.

Here, Jaime offers these tips to help others overcome the same urge that drove her to self-injure.

• Watch a favorite movie or TV show. For me, something fun or inspirational lessens the need to hurt myself.
• Remember: It's alright to cry. Crying doesn't mean you're weak.
• Play with your pets. If you don't have a pet, maybe you should get one!
• Go for a walk. This will enable you to take a break from people and think. But be sure that you are "safe", that is, not carrying anything with you to cut.
• Do something creative with your hands. Try painting, or making a collage. If you're not feeling creative, do some cleaning. Just keep your hands busy.

Cutting


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Children And Movies / Children And Media Violence

Children And Movies

Watching movies, videos, and DVDs can be a fun activity in which children and adolescents can use their imagination and fantasy. Parents should, however, consider the following issues when planning to watch movies at a theatre or at home:

· Although going to a movie theater can be exciting, movies can create anxiety for children with loud noises and frightening and upsetting scenes.

· Having a TV, VCR, or DVD player in children and adolescents’ bedrooms encourages movie watching without adult supervision.

· If parents are unsure whether a movie is appropriate, they should view the movie in private before watching it as a family.

· Movies should not replace child-care or be left on as background noise.

· Older children and adolescents may copy risky and possibly dangerous things they see in movies.

· Some children cannot tolerate the darkness of a movie theater, even with their parents present.

· Viewing movies with sex, violence, drug abuse, adult themes, and offensive language can have a negative effect on children and adolescents. Many movies are not appropriate for children or teenagers.

· Younger children may have trouble telling the difference between make-believe and reality. They can be upset when a parent figure dies in a movie or frightening things happen to children.

Tips and Recommendations for Parents:

· All ages of children should have their movie watching supervised by their parents or adult caretakers.

· Check a movie’s Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) rating and read reviews before it is viewed. Movie reviews can be found online, and on AACAP’s website.

· Deciding when a teenager can go to a movie without parental supervision depends on the teenagers’ maturity and the friends going with your teenager.

· Discuss upsetting or frightening events seen in a movie.

· Parents can and should be active participants in their children and adolescents’ movie watching experiences.

· Turn the movie off or leave the theater if your child becomes upset or frightened.

· Use the same care and attention to a movie’s content when choosing a movie to watch at home for a child or adolescent as you would a movie in the theater.

Watching movies together can be a rewarding experience. It can be an opportunity for your child to have fun with family and friends. If your child or adolescent, however, develops strong and persistent emotional reactions or behavior from seeing a movie, then consider having your child evaluated by a qualified mental health professional.

Children And Media Violence

Did you know?

· Young children who see media violence have a greater chance of exhibiting violent and aggressive behavior later in life, than children who have not seen violent media (Congressional Public Health Summit, 2000).

· Violent video games can cause people to have more aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors; and decrease empathetic, helpful behaviors with peers (Anderson, 2004; Gentile, 2003).

· Since the 1950s, more than 1,000 studies have been done on the effects of violence in television and movies. The majority of these studies conclude that: children who watch significant amounts of television and movie violence are more likely to exhibit aggressive behavior, attitudes and values (Senate Committee on the Judiciary, 1999).

· Media violence affects children's behavior states the American Medical Association, American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, American Academy of Family Physicians, and American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (Congressional Public Health Summit, 2000).

· Children, ages 8 to 18, spend more time (44.5 hours per week- 61/2 hours daily) in front of computer, television, and game screens than any other activity in their lives except sleeping (Kaiser Family Foundation, 2005).

· By the time a child is eighteen years old, he or she will witness on television (with average viewing time) 200,000 acts of violence including 40,000 murders (Huston, et al, 1992).

· Children are affected at any age, but young children are most vulnerable to the effects of media violence (Bushman, 2001). Young children:
o learn by observing and imitating.
o have a harder time distinguishing between fantasy and reality.
o cannot easily discern motives for violence.
o are more easily impressionable.

· Children who watch more TV and play more video games are not only exposed to more media violence, but are more likely to act more aggressively with peers and tend to assume the worst in their interactions with peers (Buchanan, et al, 2002).

· Violence (homicide, suicide, and trauma) is a leading cause of death for children, adolescents and young adults, more prevalent than disease, cancer or congenital disorders (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2001).

What’s Happening?

Six prominent medical groups (American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, American Psychological Association, American Medical Association, American Academy of Family Physicians and the American Psychiatric Association) warn of these effects of media violence on children:

· Children will view violence as an acceptable way to settle conflicts.
(Congressional Public Health Summit, 2000).

· Children will increase anti-social and aggressive behavior.

· Children will desire to see more violence in entertainment and real life.

· Children may view the world as violent and mean, becoming more fearful of being a victim of violence.

· Children may become less sensitive to violence and those who suffer from violence.

Many factors in the portrayal of media violence contribute to its affect on children and teens (Comstock, 1994, Huesmann, 2001):

· If the child sees the violence in the show as being realistic, reflecting real life, the impact will be greater.

· What are the consequences for aggressive behavior? Is it rewarded or punished? Aggressive behavior on screen that lacks consequences, portrayed as justified, or is rewarded will have a greater effect on children.

· When the child's attention is focused on the violence on the screen, causing the child to be engaged or aroused, the impact is greater.

· When the violence is committed by an attractive or charismatic hero, with whom the child identifies, the effect of that violence will be greater.

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This discussion focuses on who's responsible for protecting kids from inappropriate media with a diverse of group of panelists:



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