Child Discipline—

Find out what your kid values — it could be a toy, a particular activity, or even a privilege like getting to stay awake to a particular hour. If you control the currency, you control the behavior that currency depends on. Once you understand what your kid values, you can withdraw positive things (taking away the toy) or introduce negative things (making them take a time-out) as a form of punishment.

It's important for your kid to understand that the same result will come from the same behavior. Make your kid feel like he has control over his life: If your kid engages in “behavior A,” he needs to know that he will always get "consequence A." If he can count on the rules staying the same, he will be more likely to abide by them.

How do you keep a 1-year-old from heading toward the VCR? What should you do when your preschooler throws a fit? How can you get a teenager to respect your authority?

Whatever the age of your kid, it's important to be consistent when it comes to punishment. If you don't stick to the rules and consequences that you set up, your kid isn't likely to either.

Here are some ideas about how to vary your approach to punishment to best fit your family.

Ages 0 to 2—

Babies and toddlers are naturally curious. So it's wise to eliminate temptations and no-nos — items such as VCRs, stereos, jewelry, and especially cleaning supplies and medications should be kept well out of reach. When your crawling baby or roving toddler heads toward an unacceptable or dangerous play object, calmly say "No" and either remove your kid from the area or distract him or her with an appropriate activity.

Timeouts can be effective punishment for toddlers. A kid who has been hitting, biting, or throwing food, for example, should be told why that behavior is unacceptable and taken to a designated timeout area — a kitchen chair or bottom stair — for a minute or two to calm down (longer timeouts are not effective for toddlers).

It's important to not spank, hit, or slap a kid of any age. Babies and toddlers are especially unlikely to be able to make any connection between their behavior and physical punishment. They will only feel the pain of the hit.

And don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. Make sure your behavior is role-model material. You'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your kid to pick up toys while your stuff is left strewn around.

Ages 3 to 5—

As your kid grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences, make sure you start communicating the rules of your family's home. Explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a certain behavior. For instance, the first time your 3-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that's not allowed and what will happen if your kid does it again (for instance, your kid will have to help clean the wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). If the wall gets decorated again a few days later, issue a reminder that crayons are for paper only and then enforce the consequences.

The earlier that parents establish this kind of "I set the rules and you're expected to listen or accept the consequences" standard, the better for everyone. Although it's sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasional bad behavior or not follow through on some threatened punishment, this sets a bad precedent. Consistency is the key to effective punishment, and it's important for parents to decide together what the rules are and then uphold them.

While you become clear on what behaviors will be punished, don't forget to reward good behaviors. Don't underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have — discipline is not just about punishment but also about recognizing good behavior. For example, saying "I'm proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a kid for the opposite behavior — not sharing. And be specific when doling out praise; don't just say, "Good job!"

If your kid continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your kid misbehave before some punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be displayed before it is rewarded. Post the chart on the refrigerator and then track the good and bad behaviors every day. This will give your kid (and you) a concrete look at how it's going. Once this begins to work, praise your kid for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem.

Timeouts also can work well for kids at this age. Establish a suitable timeout place that's free of distractions and will force your kid to think about how he or she has behaved. Remember, getting sent to your room may have meant something in the days before computers, TVs, and video games were stored there. Don't forget to consider the length of time that will best suit your kid. Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the kid is calmed down (to teach self-regulation).

It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor."

Ages 6 to 8—

Timeouts and consequences are also effective punishment strategies for this age group.

Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of punishment or else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say.

Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment ("Slam that door and you'll never watch TV again!") in anger, since not following through could weaken all your threats. If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that. The credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day.

Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your kid may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away.

Ages 9 to 12—

Kids in this age group — just as with all ages — can be punished with natural consequences. As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of punishment.

For example, if your fifth grader's homework isn't done homework before bedtime, should you make him or her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? Probably not — you'll miss an opportunity to teach a key life lesson. If homework is incomplete, your kid will go to school the next day without it and suffer the resulting bad grade.

It's natural for parents to want to rescue kids from mistakes, but in the long run they do kids a favor by letting them fail sometimes. Kids see what behaving improperly can mean, and will probably not make those mistakes again. However, if your kid does not seem to be learning from natural consequences, you should set up your own consequences to help modify the behavior more effectively.

Ages 13 and Up—

By now you've laid the groundwork. Your kid knows what's expected and that you mean what you say about the consequences of bad behavior. Don't let down your guard now — punishment is just as important for teens as it is for younger kids. Just like the 4-year-old who needs you to set a bedtime and stick to it, your teen needs to know boundaries, too.

Set up rules regarding homework, visits by friends, curfews, and dating and discuss them beforehand with your teenager so there will be no misunderstandings. Your teen will probably complain from time to time, but also will realize that you're in control. Believe it or not, teens still want and need you to set limits and enforce order in their lives, even as you grant them greater freedom and responsibility.

When your teen does break a rule, taking away privileges may seem the best plan of action. While it's fine to take away the car for a week, for example, be sure to also discuss why coming home an hour past curfew is unacceptable and worrisome.

Remember to give a teenager some control over things. Not only will this limit the number of power struggles you have, it will help your teen respect the decisions that you do need to make for him or her. You could allow a younger teen to make decisions concerning school clothes, hair styles, or even the condition of his or her room. As your teen gets older, that realm of control might be extended to include an occasional relaxed curfew.

It's also important to focus on the positives. For example, have your teen earn a later curfew by demonstrating positive behavior instead of setting an earlier curfew as punishment for irresponsible behavior.

A Word About Spanking—

Perhaps no form of punishment is more controversial than spanking. Here are some reasons why the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) discourages spanking:

• For kids seeking attention by acting out, spanking may inadvertently "reward" them — negative attention is better than no attention at all.
• Rather than teaching kids how to change their behavior, spanking makes them fearful of their parents and merely teaches them to avoid getting caught.
• Spanking can physically harm kids.
• Spanking teaches kids that it's OK to hit when they're angry.

Children & Lying--


Online Parent Support

Latch-key Children

Every day thousands of children arrive home from school to an empty house. Every week thousands of parents make decisions to leave children home alone while they go to work, run errands, or for social engagements. It is estimated over 40% of children are left home at some time, though rarely overnight. In more extreme situations, some children spend so much time without their parent(s) that these children are labeled "latch key children", referring to the house or apartment key strung visibly around their neck.

The term refers to the latchkey of a door to a house. The key is often strung around the child's neck or left hidden under a mat (or some other object) at the rear door to the property. The term is claimed to have originated from an NBC documentary in 1944, due to the phenomenon of children being left home alone becoming common during and after World War II, when one parent would be enlisted into the armed forces, so the other would get a job.

There are many issues and potential risks and dangers that parent(s) should consider before a child is placed in this situation. Parent(s) should consider the following:

· Access to "adult" cable TV; internet chat rooms and adult web sites
· Age readiness
· Definition of parental "rules and expectations"
· Friends and visitors coming to the house
· How to access parent(s) or other adults (e.g. phone numbers)
· Potentially unsafe situations (e.g. medical emergencies, fire, alcohol, drugs, strangers, guns, etc.)
· Responsibilities for siblings
· Use of computer (internet)
· Use of phone, 911 for emergencies
· Use of unstructured time (e.g. watch TV, videos, etc.);
· When and how to answer the phone or doorbell

The effects of being a latchkey child differ with age. Loneliness, boredom and fear are most common for those younger than 10 years of age. In the early teens, there is a greater susceptibility to peer pressure resulting in alcohol abuse, smoking and sexual experimentation.

Socioeconomic status and length of time left alone can bring forth other negative effects. In one study, middle school students left home alone for more than three hours a day reported higher levels of behavioral problems, higher rates of depression and lower levels of self-esteem than other students.

Children from lower income families are associated with greater externalizing problems (such as conduct disorders and hyperactivity) and academic problems, while children from middle and upper income families are no different than their supervised peers. In 2000, a German PISA study found no significant differences in the scholastic performance between "latchkey kids" and kids in a "nuclear family.”

Positive effects of being a latchkey child include independence and self-reliance. In some cases, being left home alone may be a better alternative to staying with baby-sitters or older siblings.

It is not possible to make a general statement about when a child can be left home. Many states have laws, which hold parents responsible for the supervision of their children. Older adolescents are usually responsible enough to manage alone for limited periods of time. Parent(s) must consider the child's level of maturity and past evidence of responsible behavior and good judgment. When a child is ready to be left alone, a graduated approach should be used starting with a very short period of time (e.g.1 hour).

Here are some other basic safety tips for being home alone:

· Do some role playing to make children comfortable answering phone calls and taking messages, as well as dealing with things like peer pressure (other kids wanting to come inside) and strangers.

· Establish “House Rules.” Write them down, post them, and review them periodically. Consider including homework and chores, using the phone, computer or kitchen appliances.

· If you have a change of plans, or if you are not going to return home when you said you would, call and reassure your children. They tend to worry when things don’t go according to plan, and a lack of information can cause them to panic.

· Practice emergency procedures, including calling 9-1-1. Don’t assume that youngsters will know what to say on the phone in the event of an emergency, so rehearse some possible situations and talk about what you would expect them to do in each one.

· Stress early on that parents should not be called to settle minor sibling disputes and disagreements. These can be addressed in the evening or at special weekly “meetings” held for just that purpose.

· There are many occasions during the school year when youngsters have after school activities. Be sure to discuss each day’s schedule -- including all transportation plans -- so that parent’s won’t worry if the “safe home” message is not received when expected.

· Try to avoid placing too much responsibility on a young child and listen carefully when a “home alone-er” wants to share concerns or problems.

Parent(s) should talk with their youngsters to prepare them for each of the issues or potential problems listed above. In addition, parent(s) should strive to make their home as safe as possible from obvious dangers and hazards and rehearse the developed "emergency plan" with their children. Parents should also teach their child important safety precautions (i.e. locking the door, dealing with strangers or visitors who come to the house, use of the stove, etc.)

Being home alone can be a frightening and potentially dangerous situation for many children and adolescents. Parents should strive to limit the times when children are home alone. Parents should prepare their children in advance for how to deal with situations that may arise.

To help make things run smoothly and safely, parents need to set up some clear, fair ground rules. Have your kids check in with you as soon as they come home. They can call your office phone or your cell phone. If you are unavailable, they can leave a message. When you talk with them, check how their day went, what homework is due, and whether they need to get specific chores accomplished before you come home. Establish the rule that the television, TV, computer, phone, and video game player (all recreational electronics, basically) be off limits until their homework and chores are completed. And, if the Internet is allowed, there should be standards to consider, such as setting up parental guidelines for Web sites (including a discussion of Myspace.com-type sites) and discussing general usage (time allotted, sharing with the sister, IMing friends).

You also may need to establish rules for TV viewing, particularly which cable channels they can watch and how much time they can spend watching TV. Many families employ the rule that “no recreational electronics” are to be used until the parent comes home and checks that all homework and chores have been completed. This alleviates sibling battles about who gets the remote control.

Set up guidelines for answering the telephone (letting calls go to the answering machine unless caller ID indicates that a family friend is on the phone) as well as answering the door (best to get them in the habit of not opening it, if it’s not grandma or grandpa, unless an adult is home). Kids should stay home and not be allowed to venture into the neighborhood, visit friends or even have friends over. “Things” tend to happen when kids are unsupervised, and your children’s safety -- as well as your home’s condition – is at risk when allowing friends to visit while your kids are unsupervised.

If you’re worried about damaging your kids emotional or psychological growth because they are now “latchkey kids,” you can relax! A study reported by the American Psychological Association noted that the success of latchkey kids depends more on what they are doing with their time after school, rather than the fact that you aren’t there for them. Kids who are allowed to hang out with friends without some form of adult supervision get into significantly more trouble than do those who are kept busy with homework and chores, especially if parents are checking in with them on a consistent basis via telephone.

If you’re still worried about the situation, try to set up adult supervision with a neighborhood mom who is watching her own children — perhaps you can pay her for her time or baby sit her kids during some evening or weekend hours in exchange. Or you can check into after-school programs at the girls’ schools, a local YMCA, or YWCA, or a church. Perhaps their father or one of their grandparents can help out at least a few afternoons per week. They will not only be able to supervise your girls, but they can also help them with their homework completion. And, of course, this is an opportunity for good adult-child quality time.



Online Parent Support

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren—

Grandparents are an important resource for both parents and children. They routinely provide childcare, financial assistance and emotional support. Occasionally they are called upon to provide much more including temporary or full time care and responsibility for their grandchildren.

Most of us are not raising our grandchildren or another relative's child or children because we have an overwhelming desire to start a family all over again. We are raising the children because they need our help and love. That fact can be overwhelming in and of itself at times. When children are taken from a parent and raised by another, there are always reasons, and those reasons are often accompanied with trauma, sorrow, and grief. If everything were going great, chances are, the children would still be with their parents. So, no matter how much we love our grandchildren and no matter how much better we think life will be for them with us, the children are going to experience confusing feelings that will need to be addressed, especially as parents may or may not be bopping in and out of their lives.

An increasing number of children in the United States live in households headed by a grandparent. This trend is due to:

• AIDS
• death or disability of parents
• incarcerations of parents
• increasing numbers of single parent families
• parental abuse and neglect
• substance abuse by parents
• teenage pregnancies
• the high rate of divorce

In many of these homes, neither of the child's biological parents is present. In most cases, children taken care of by grandparents move in with them as infants or preschoolers and remain with them for five years or more. These grandparents are a diverse group ranging in ages from the thirties to the seventies. Many grandparents are ready to simplify their lives and slow down. Giving that up and taking over the responsibilities of being a primary parent again can stir up many feelings including grief, anger, loss, resentment and possibly guilt. This transition can be very stressful and the emotional and financial burdens can be significant. Culture shock at having to deal with children and adolescents of a different generation can be great. Grandparent headed households have a significantly higher poverty rate than other kinds of family units.

Many grandparents in this care-taking role underestimate or are unaware of the added burdens their new role as "parents" will place upon them. Grandparents often assume their role will be to nurture and reward children without having to set limits. When grandparents serve as parents, however, they must learn to set limits and establish controls as they did with their own children.

Many children living with grandparents arrive with preexisting problems or risk factors including abuse, neglect, prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, and loss of parents (death, abandonment and incarceration). This situation can create risks for both children and grandparents. Caring for your grandchild can also be very positive and rewarding. Grandparents bring the benefit of experience and perspective. They can also provide important stability, predictability, and be a healthy role model for their grandchildren.

What needs to be done to help the children will depend on numerous variables -- the age of the children, their educational abilities or lack thereof, their physical health, and so important, their emotional health. It is important to remember that not only adults experience depression and anxiety. Many children suffer tremendously from anxiety attacks and situational or clinical depression. They may experience internal conflict regarding those they love. They may feel anger, guilt, and even fear.

One grandmother noticed that after her 4-year-old granddaughter talked with the child's mother on the phone, the little girl wet the bed for a week and even wet her pants during the day. This was something very unusual for her. The child's mother had tried to tell her that her father (who was incarcerated) loved her and was sorry he had not been nice. The little girl had witnessed and experienced severe traumatic events caused by her father and the effect of the phone call had been negative rather than positive. The grandmother was able to explain to the child's therapist who was working with her what her reaction had been. Seeking professional counseling for children who have been victims of abuse or neglect can be not only helpful for the child but a support to the caregiver as well.

It is very important for grandparents to receive support and assistance. Seeking out other family members, clergy, support groups and social agencies can be helpful. The Grandparents Information Center (sponsored by the American Association of Retired Persons) is a good place to get information, referrals and support. The American Association of Retired Persons website address is http://www.aarp.org/. Financial aid may be available especially if the child was abandoned, neglected or abused. Mental health professionals including child and adolescent psychiatrists, community mental health and child welfare agencies and parent-teacher associations are other important resources for the grandparents.

The following are agencies and institutions that can be helpful when determining what is needed to help our children:

• Health Department: The Health Department can also be a good resource for nutrition services. Many of the problems children experience can be helped with proper nutrition.
• Pediatricians and Community Health Centers: Find a good pediatrician who you have confidence in and can rely on for support. Many health centers offer health education and nutrition counseling.
• Schools: Children who have been removed from their homes because of abuse or neglect or are away from the parents they love may experience problems in school and also develop behavior problems. There may be learning disabilities and health problems caused by either physiological or psychological reasons. The schools can be a great resource in determining needs and either providing services or providing referrals to other agencies.
• Social Services: Social Workers who are child advocates can be very helpful in finding needed services in your area.

Child and adolescent psychiatrists recognize the important role many grandparents play in raising their grandchildren. The better grandparents are able to meet their own needs, the better they can fulfill the demands of parenting.

Tips for Grandparents—

· One thing to remember as grandparents and kinship caregivers is that as we do the very best we can do, it is ultimately the children who will decide, as they mature, how they are going to respond to our love and efforts. We must not fall into the mistake of thinking that we will fix everything for them. We cannot. They will continue to face challenges and even uncertainties. But, one thing we can do is to be sure that no matter what, they know that we will always love them.

· Creating a healthy and safe environment both physically and emotionally is vital if we are to help these children know how valuable they are as human beings and help them piece their lives back together again. Plenty of good activities that will allow them to learn new ways of living and seeing things are invaluable.

· Having fun with our grandchildren is important in lessening the stress and softening the burden everyone in the household may be experiencing. Playing and laughing on a child or teenager's level can help us remember what is really important. Humor is good for the soul, everybody's' soul. So learn to play. Relearn if you have to. If you look back when raising your own children and you say, "Gee, I wish I had done that differently." well now is your chance. You can do things differently. Remind yourself, in the scope of life, does this really matter? Some things do and some things just don't.

· Healthy eating, an active lifestyle, and adequate sleep cannot be overemphasized when dealing with individuals of all ages and especially with children. Highly processed "Junk" foods containing high amounts of fat and sugars along with a sedentary lifestyle can wreck havoc on anyone's life including children. As children grow, their bodies and brains require proper nutrition to function properly. Learn everything you can about proper health habits for yourself and your children.

· Positive interaction with our grandchildren, especially when they are experiencing behavior problems, can be a challenge, but it is something that is very important to develop. As we set boundaries for the children and find that balance of love and discipline, the children need to know that we believe they are incredibly talented and special. A good motto when dealing with children is "Firm yet Kind" with an emphasis on kindness. Children must learn acceptable behavior in order to function properly in society, but we must teach that lesson in kindness.

Grandparenting Web Sites—

AARP http://www.aarp.org/confacts/programs/gic.html
AARP is a nonprofit, nonpartisan association dedicated to shaping and enriching the experience of aging for members and for all Americans.

AARP Tax Aide Program http://www.aarp.org/taxaide/
Useful if a tax burden has changed after a change in status of a dependent. Local Retired and Senior Volunteer
Programs also provide free tax assistance to older adults of call the U.S. Internal Revenue Service at (800) 829-1040

ARCH National Respite and Resource Center http://www.archrespite.org/index.htm
The Chapel Hill training outreach project includes information on grandparents raising grandchildren.

Brookdale Foundation Group http://www.brookdalefoundation.org/
The Brookdale Foundation Group website will provide local and state contacts that will be able to help you locate infomation about state specific laws and policies.

Casa - National website for Children's Advocates http://www.nationalcasa.org
Site gives the local office addresses, telephone numbers and email addresses for CASA by state.

Center on Children and Law http://www.abanet.org/child/home.html
American Bar Association

Child Welfare League of America http://www.cwla.org
CWLA is an association of more than 1,100 public and private nonprofit agencies that assist over 3.5 million abused and neglected children and their families each year with a wide range of services.ns

Children's Defense Fund http://www.childrensdefense.org/
CDF provides a strong, effective voice for all the children of America who cannot vote, lobby, or speak for themselves. We pay particular attention to the needs of poor and minority children and those with disabilities. CDF educates the nation about the needs of children and encourages preventive investment before they get sick or into trouble, drop out of school, or suffer family breakdown.

Foster Parent Community www.fosterparents.com
A triple 'A' site for helpful links on issues facing relatives and foster parents raising children with attachment disorders, attention deficits (ADD & ADHA), fetal alcohol syndrome and other special needs. Subjects range from adoption to Dr. Seuss.

The Foundation for Grandparenting http://www.grandparenting.org
Dedicated to raising grandparent consciousness and grandparent identity.

Generations United http://www.gu.org/
Generations United is the premier national organization that focuses solely on promoting intergenerational strategies, programs, and policies.

Grandparents and More http://www.grandparentsandmore.com
This is a practical, informative website with lots of links to other web sites. It was developed by Joan Callander, author of Second Time Around Help for Grandparents Who Raiser Their Children's Kids

Grandparents as Parents: Information for Kentucky's Grandparent Caregivers http://www.lfucg.com/grandparents
This website is a gateway to the growing number of services and programs becoming available to grandparents raising grandchildren in Kentucky. It includes links to realted sites and an event calendar.

Grandparents Edge http://grandparentsedge.com
This is a supportive site with all sorts of great information to help grandparents stay connected with their grandchildren.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Arizona http://www.ag.arizona.edu/grandparents/index.html
This website is for the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Southern Arizona Coalition (GRGSoAZ), which was formed in 1999 after the National Satellite Conference on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Implications for Professionals and Agencies.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren and Grief by Ron Huxley http://parentingtoolbox.com/gp.html
Articles and newsletters for Grandparents raising grandchildren.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Implications for Professionals and Agencies http://www.uwex.edu/ces/gprg/gprg.html
The national videoconference, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Implications for Professionals and Agencies was broadcast on January 12, 1999 to almost 4,000 participants at over 275 sites in 41 states and one site in Canada. From the faxes and e-mails we have received since the program, we know that there is continuing interest.As one response, this website will be maintained for a while as a place for grandparents raising grandchildren, professionals, legislators and policymakers, graduate students and videoconference planners to share information, find answers to questions, and learn about resources.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Legal and Policy Issues http://www.uwex.edu/grg/
The national videoconference, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Implications for Professionals and Agencies was broadcast on February 27, 2001 to almost 3,222 participants at over 261 sites in 45 states. This website will be maintained for a while as a place for grandparents raising grandchildren, professionals, legislators and policymakers, graduate students and videoconference planners to share information, find answers to questions, and learn about resources.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Partnership of Wisconsin http://www.uwex.edu/ces/flp/grgp
This website provides information on the statewide network of individuals, agencies, organizations and professionals who provide services to or for grandparents raising their grandchildren and/or children and their families.

Grandparents Resource Center http://grc4usa.org
Helps Families to negotiate with the system to re-connect children in foster care with their biological families.

Grandparents United for Children's Rights http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Prairie/6866/
Provides information and resources relating to children's rights.

Grand Times http://www.grandtimes.com/index.html
Celebrates life's opportunities and examines life's challenges. Provides information about Grandparent Visitation Rights -
know your options, choose a plan of action.

Hello Grandparents http://www.family2000.org.uk
A help site for parents and grandparents.

Intergenerational Connections http://www.cyfernet.org/parent/inter.html
This website is part of the website of the National Network for Family Resiliency. It offers valuable information for grandparents who are raising grandchildren, the professionals who work with them, and others interested in the subject.

Lawyer Referral Directory Service http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/contact.html
American Bar Association - Ask for the telephone number of your local lawyer referral service.

National Aging Information Center (NAIC) http://www.aoa.gov/NAIC/notes/default.htm
A centralized source for a broad range of program and policy materials, sattistical data and consumer information on aging. NAIC is housed at the U.S. Administration on Aging (AoA). This site included an extensive lising of Internet web sites on a variety of aging topics.

National Association of Area Agencies on Aging http://www.n4a.org/
N4A's primary mission is to build the capacity of its members to help older persons and persons with disabilities live with dignity and choices in their homes and communities for as long as possible

Welfare Reform and Grandparents http://www.aarp.org/getans/consumer/welfare.html
For grandparents raising grandchildren who may be affected by welfare reform. Enacted into law in 1996, the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunities Act (PRA) changed many federal programs that helped people who need financial assistance.

Online Parent Support

Helping Teens Become Safe Drivers—

A driver's license is one of the biggest status symbols among high school students. Getting a driver's license is not only a social asset but it makes the adolescent feel more independent than ever before. Parents no longer have to do the driving - the teen can get places on his or her own. Most teens count the hours and days until they can get their learners permit (usually age 16) and take their driving test to demonstrate driving competence. Some teens however, may be pushed to drive by peer or parental pressures before they feel ready. Parents often have many concerns and fear for their teen's safety on the road.

Getting a driver's license is often referred to as the modern equivalent of a ritual of passage to adulthood for the young, new driver - and it's certainly a dangerous one.

A wise parent will seek the help of reliable professionals in preparing the teen for the complex world of the automobile and traffic. It's not enough for today's teenagers to learn as their parents did. The driving world they enter is far too intense to tackle without serious preparation.

As a parent you are the one who cares most about your teenager's driving ability and safety. This booklet will help you participate in the process of educating your teenager behind the wheel. It will give you insights into the skills and knowledge that professional instructors accumulate over years of teaching. It will inform you about the pitfalls lying in wait for the amateur instructor during the early stages of learning, about the defensive strategies taught in modern driving courses, and about the need to follow up after licensing to ensure that your teen continues to develop defensive driving skills and safe habits.

According to the American Automobile Association (AAA), teenage drivers account for only 7% of the driving population but are involved in 14% of fatal crashes. Traffic crashes are the #1 cause of death and injury for people ages 15-19. In 1998, more than 6,300 teens died in motor vehicle collisions. Problems which contribute to the high crash rate of young drivers include: driving inexperience, lack of adequate driving skills, risk taking, poor driving judgment and decision making, alcohol consumption and excessive driving during high risk hours (11PM-5AM).

Learning to Drive (Learner's Permit)—

If possible, leave your teen's first on-the-road experiences to the care of a professional. Many a nasty accident has occurred because an inexperienced beginner was allowed to get into a situation that was too much to cope with. A miscalculation in speed, a sudden change in traffic conditions, or an awkward combination of circumstances could lead to disaster. The professionals are used to anticipating such problems-and they have the advantage of dual controls. Your task as co-driver is to back up the work of the professionals with well-planned and coordinated practice sessions.

When a teenager obtains a learner's permit they can start learning to drive with an adult present in the car to supervise and teach. In most cases the best way for teens to learn to drive is through a driver's education class. These classes are often sponsored by schools. In many states, completing a driver's education course results in reduction of the teen's automobile insurance costs. Private driving instruction is another alternative. AAA offers a training program (available on video or CD-ROM) "Teaching Your Teens to Drive: A Partnership for Survival". One teenager has even developed a website specifically for teens learning to drive (Teen New Driver Homepage - www.teendriving.com).

Parents are in a unique position to show their children proper driving skills and to teach proper driving choices. Teen drivers need to get as much driving experience as possible after they obtain their learner's permit. Lots of driving experience generally makes the teen a safer driver and eases the transition to driving independently. However, not all parents have the temperament to teach driving. Parents who find themselves yelling, making sarcastic remarks or being upsetting to the teen should ask their spouse, another relative or friend to help out.

The Driver' License (Driving Independently)—

The first year of driving is a high-risk period for the beginner. Inexperience combined with a lack of skill means that one in five male 16-year old drivers and about one in ten females will have an accident during their first year of driving.

Some of the worst accidents occur at night and with a group of young people in the car. If alcohol or any other kind of impairment is involved the risk in this situation is magnified several times.

Some supervision during the first year or two will help reduce risk. It's a good idea to keep track of the kinds of driving situation your teen has experienced and to gradually work in new ones (for example, night driving, rain, snow, freeways, heavy traffic, passing on the open highway, and so on). Watch for the accumulation of bad habits such as forgetting to signal, sloppy turns, speeding, sudden changes in speed or direction, lack of alertness.

When teens pass the official driving test they receive their driver' license and can legally drive independently (some states have restrictions on 17 year old drivers). Parents, however, should not allow their teen to drive independently until the teen has sufficient experience and the parents are comfortable with the teen's level of driving skill. Parents should talk candidly with their teen about the dangers and risks of distractions such as music from radio/tape/CD player, passengers, eating food and using cell phones. Parents should also discuss and demonstrate the importance of controlling emotions while driving (e.g. "road rage", drag racing, etc.).

Teens should also be taught about the importance of defensive driving. Inexperienced drivers often concentrate on driving correctly and fail to anticipate the actions and mistakes or errors of other drivers. If the teen is taking medications (prescription or over-the-counter) or has any medical illnesses, parents should check with their family physician about possible effects on the teen's driving ability.

Additionally, parents should make sure that the vehicle their teen drives is in safe condition (brakes, tires, etc.) and working properly. The vehicle should have essential emergency equipment (flares, flashlight, jumper cables, etc.) and the teen should know how to use it. A cell phone is helpful for emergencies but parents must stress that it can be a dangerous distraction if it is used while driving.

Concern about the number of young people killed or injured in traffic crashes has prompted state legislation to reform the way teenagers are licensed to drive. A majority of states have adopted the Graduated Driver Licensing (GDL) system with varying state requirements. Recommended by the AAA, the GDL has teens earn driving privileges in a three-stage process: learner's permit at age 16, a probationary license after 6 months and an unrestricted driver's license at age 18.

Even though the driver's license allows the teen to drive independently, it is important that parents establish clear rules for safe and responsible driving and rules for the use of the car.

Rules for New Drivers—

Rules for parents to consider when teens begin driving independently include:

• Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs is illegal and dangerous and should be strictly prohibited.
• Everyone in the car must wear seat belts at all times.
• Headphones should never be worn while driving.
• Helmets must be worn when riding a motorcycle.
• Parents should determine what behavior or circumstances will result in loss of the teen's driving privileges.
• Parents should determine whether and when their teen can drive passengers. Some states have established a law that no passengers are allowed in the car until the teen has logged a defined period of safe independent driving
• Parents should limit their teen's driving alone in adverse weather conditions (rain, snow, ice, fog. etc.) and at night until the teen has sufficient skills and experience.
• Parents should not allow young drivers unrestricted driving privileges until they have gained sufficient experience.
• Parents should work out when and where the teen is allowed to drive the car (e.g. to and from part-time job, etc.).
• Teens should be encouraged to take an annual defensive driving course after obtaining their license.
• Teens should not drive when fatigued or tired.

Supervised behind-the-wheel driving experience is the key to developing necessary habits and skills for safe driving. Parents need to work with their teens to help them gain the needed experience and judgement.

Defensive driving techniques—

Being a good defensive driver means more than just being cautious, and mere experience isn't enough either. The good defensive driver has to work at developing good driving techniques. The following is a summary of the defensive driving concepts commonly covered in driver education courses.

Managing space and time—This concept is critical to the tactics used in defensive driving. The driver must have space to maneuver and time to react. The following time rules help the novice to compensate for inexperience and are invaluable in reducing risk in traffic.

The 2-second rule—This provides safe spacing when following another car at any speed. By noting when a car ahead of you passes a fixed point and counting your time to reach that point, you can determine whether your spacing is safe. Two seconds (count "one thousand and one, one thousand and two") is the minimum safe space. This should be practiced from the passenger seat! The beginner will then develop a sense of what a safe space looks like at different speeds.

The 4-second stopping rule—This is an approximate guide to stopping distance at speeds over 60 kph (37 mph). Choose a fixed point on the roadway ahead and count the seconds until you get there. If you counted four seconds, that point indicated your minimum stopping distance.

The 12-second visual lead-time—Ideally, the defensive driver is anticipating traffic movements and potential hazards as far away as the point the car will reach in 12 seconds. Within this distance the driver should scan the scene, including the sidewalks, and make adjustments to speed and position as necessary.

The Smith System—The Smith System is one of the most widely used methods for improving defensive driving. It provides five rules for training the eyes to see what is important in driving.

They are:

• Make sure they see you (when there's conflict for space make eye contact with other driver).
• Leave yourself an 'out' (practice the 'what if...' game)
• Keep your eyes moving (avoid fixed stare, stay alert)
• Get the big picture (don't allow your eyes to be drawn to one area)
• Aim high (to steer accurately and anticipate problems)

These rules sound simple but it takes considerable practice to develop the habit of using them at all times in traffic. Good management of space and time allows the Smith system driver to use the five rules most effectively, always having time to scan the scene around the car and adjust speed and position to minimize hazards.

Planning practice sessions—

Random driving around during practice sessions can be dangerous. It's all too easy for the novice driver to get into trouble, particularly in the early stages. Before getting into traffic be sure that your teen has good coordination with hands and feet. Until the novice is sure of the pedals, the danger of hitting the wrong pedal in a panic situation is always present.

It's important to plan practice sessions. Decide where to go and what you are going to do before setting out. Take some care in selecting a suitable area. A large deserted parking lot is ideal for the initial sessions because it allows the beginner to concentrate fully on the feel of the controls and the response of the car.

For the initial street sessions find the quietest streets possible. Your teen will learn the correct road and traffic procedures from the professional instructor. Your job will be to provide good feedback while he or she practices these procedures.

Accurate lane driving and positioning for turns, good signal timing, and good road sense are the basic ingredients for passing the government road test. These will be learned more effectively by driving around the block with somebody who provides good feedback than by hours of random driving on highway or streets. On the other hand, a co-driver who allows the novice driver to get away with faults or who provides poor feedback may hold back the learning process considerably.

Practice hints—

Stay alert. Some beginners may give the impression of being confident and in control but may be totally unprepared to deal with any sudden change in conditions and very reliant on you, the co-driver, for guidance and even assistance in control. Anticipate problems and always be ready to react.

Communicate clearly. Give directions well in advance and try to always use the same terms (don't say accelerator one time and gas pedal the next, for example).

Don't hit the beginner with everything at once. A simple right turn, for example, involves several steps-checking mirrors, signaling, checking blind areas, braking, positioning, checking for traffic before the turn, steering, and recovery. To expect a beginner to follow all of these correctly during the early sessions is asking too much.

Don't get excited during practice sessions. This communicates itself quickly to the driver and can make performance difficult.

Don't overload. A big part of being an instructor or co-driver is reminding the driver to check traffic and to signal and to bring attention to potential hazards. But once again, remember that everything you say is also a distraction for the driver. Be sparing in your comments and, above all, try to avoid letting the beginner get into situations he or she can't handle.

Stop and discuss. When your teen makes a mistake, he or she may not be clear as to what went wrong. Explaining and discussing while on the move is not very effective. The beginner is too busy driving! Stop as soon as you can, while the mistake is still fresh in the memory, and sort out the problem. Don't jump on every mistake, however, and make a big thing of it. This will affect the beginner's confidence and concentration on the driving task.

Don't clash with what the professional driving instructor teaches. If your teen is doing something that you think is incorrect and maintains that the driving instructor teaches this way, talk to the driving instructor. Student drivers often wrongly interpret their instructor's directions.



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