As terrible and frightening as incidents of school violence are, they are rare. Although it may not seem that way, the rate of crime involving physical harm has been declining at U.S. schools since the early 1990s.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), fewer than 1% of all homicides among school-age children happen on school grounds or on the way to and from school. The vast majority of students will never experience violence at school or in college.
Still, it's natural for children and teens — no matter where they go to school — to worry about whether this type of incident may someday affect them. How can you help them deal with these fears? Talking with children about these tragedies, and what they watch or hear about them, can put frightening information into context.
Talking to Your Children— It's important for children to feel like they can share their feelings, and know that their fears and anxieties are understandable.
Rather than waiting for your youngster to approach you, consider starting the conversation. Ask children what they understand about these incidents and how they feel about them.
Share your own feelings too — during a tragedy, children may look to adults for their reactions. It helps children to know that they are not alone in their anxieties. Knowing that their moms & dads have similar feelings will help children legitimize their own.
At the same time, children often need moms & dads to help them feel safe. It may help to discuss in concrete terms what you have done and what the school is doing to help protect its students.
What Schools Are Doing— Many schools are taking extra precautions to keep students safe. Some have focused on keeping weapons out by conducting random locker and bag checks, limiting entry and exit points at the school, and keeping the entryways under teacher supervision. Other schools use metal detectors.
Lessons on conflict resolution have been added to many schools' courses to help prevent troubled students from resorting to violence. Peer counseling and active peer programs help students become more aware of the signs that a fellow student may be becoming more troubled or violent.
Another thing that helps make schools safer is greater awareness of problems like bullying and discrimination. Many schools now have programs to fight these problems, and teachers and administrators know more about protecting students from violence.
How Children Perceive the News— Of course, you are not your youngster's only source of information about school shootings or other tragic events that receive media attention. Children are likely to repeatedly encounter news stories or graphic images on television, radio, or the Internet, and such reports can teach them to view the world as a confusing, threatening, or unfriendly place.
Unlike movies or entertainment programs, news is real. But depending on a youngster's age or maturity level, he or she may not yet understand the distinctions between fact and fantasy. By the time children reach 7 or 8, however, what they watch on TV can seem all too real. For some youngsters, the vividness of a sensational news story can be internalized and transformed into something that might happen to them. A youngster watching a news story about a school shooting might worry, "Could I be next? Could that happen to me?" TV has the effect of shrinking the world and bringing it into our living rooms.
By concentrating on violent stories, TV news can also promote a "mean-world" syndrome that can give children a misrepresentation of what the world and society are actually like.
Discussing the News— To calm fears about the news, moms & dads should be prepared to deliver what psychologists call "calm, unequivocal, but limited information." This means delivering the truth, but in a way that fits the emotional level of your youngster. The key is to be truthful, but not go into more detail than your youngster is interested in or can handle.
Although it's true that some things can't be controlled, moms & dads should still give children the space to share their fears. Encourage them to talk openly about what scares them.
Older children are less likely to accept an explanation at face value. Their budding skepticism about the news and how it's produced and sold might mask anxieties they have about the stories covered. If an older youngster is bothered about a story, help him or her cope with these fears. An adult's willingness to listen will send a powerful message.
Tips for Moms & dads— Keeping an eye on what TV news children watch can go a long way toward monitoring the content of what they hear and see about events like school shootings. Here are some additional tips:
· Anticipate when guidance will be necessary and avoid shows that aren't appropriate for your youngster's age or level of development.
· Discuss current events with your youngster on a regular basis. It's important to help children think through stories they hear about. Ask questions: What do you think about these events? How do you think these things happen? Such questions can encourage conversation about non-news topics as well.
· If you're uncomfortable with the content of the news or it's inappropriate for your youngster's age, turn it off.
· Put news stories in proper context. Showing that certain events are isolated or explaining how one event relates to another helps children make better sense of what they hear.
· Recognize that news doesn't have to be driven by disturbing pictures. Public television programs, newspapers, or newsmagazines specifically designed for children can be less sensational — and less upsetting — ways for them to get information.
· Watch the news with your youngster to filter stories together.
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