Kids Who Have Kids

Babies born in the U.S. to teen mothers are at risk for long-term problems in many major areas of life, including school failure, poverty, and physical or mental illness. The teen mothers themselves are also at risk for these problems.

Teen pregnancy is usually a crisis for the pregnant girl and her family. Common reactions include anger, guilt, and denial. If the father is young and involved, similar reactions can occur in his family.

Teens who become pregnant may not seek proper medical care during their pregnancy, leading to an increased risk for medical complications. Pregnant teens require special understanding, medical care, and education--particularly about nutrition, infections, substance abuse, and complications of pregnancy. They also need to learn that using tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs, can damage the developing fetus. All pregnant teens should have medical care beginning early in their pregnancy.

Pregnant teens can have many different emotional reactions:

• depression is also common among pregnant teens
• depression is also common among pregnant teens
• many do not anticipate that their adorable baby can also be demanding and sometimes irritating
• others may view the creation of a youngster as an achievement and not recognize the serious responsibilities
• some become overwhelmed by guilt, anxiety, and fears about the future
• some may keep a youngster to please another family member
• some may not want their babies
• some may want a baby to have someone to love, but not recognize the amount of care the baby needs
• some may want them for idealized and unrealistic ways

Babies born to teens are at risk for neglect and abuse because their young mothers are uncertain about their roles and may be frustrated by the constant demands of caretaking. Adult parents can help prevent teen pregnancy through open communication and by providing guidance to their kids about sexuality, contraception, and the risks and responsibilities of intimate relationships and pregnancy. Some teen girls drop out of school to have their babies and don't return. In this way, pregnant teens lose the opportunity to learn skills necessary for employment and self-survival as adults. School classes in family life and sexual education, as well as clinics providing reproductive information and birth control to young people, can also help to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

If pregnancy occurs, teens and their families deserve honest and sensitive counseling about options available to them, from abortion to adoption. Special support systems, including consultation with a youngster and adolescent psychiatrist when needed, should be available to help the teenager throughout the pregnancy, the birth, and the decision about whether to keep the infant or give it up for adoption. There may be times when the pregnant teenager's emotional reactions and mental state will require referral to a qualified mental health professional.

Talking To Your Kids About Sex—

Talking to your kids about love, intimacy, and sex is an important part of parenting. Parents can be very helpful by creating a comfortable atmosphere in which to talk to their kids about these issues. However, many parents avoid or postpone the discussion. Each year about one million teen girls become pregnant in the United States and three million teens get a sexually transmitted disease. Kids and teens need input and guidance from parents to help them make healthy and appropriate decisions regarding their sexual behavior since they can be confused and over-stimulated by what they see and hear. Information about sex obtained by kids from the Internet can often be inaccurate and/or inappropriate.

Talking about sex may be uncomfortable for both parents and kids. Parents should respond to the needs and curiosity level of their individual youngster, offering no more or less information than their youngster is asking for and is able to understand. Getting advice from a clergyman, pediatrician, family physician, or other health professional may be helpful. Books that use illustrations or diagrams may aid communication and understanding.

Kids have different levels of curiosity and understanding depending upon their age and level of maturity. As kids grow older, they will often ask for more details about sex. Many kids have their own words for body parts. It is important to find out words they know and are comfortable with to make talking with them easier. A 5-year-old may be happy with the simple answer that babies come from a seed that grows in a special place inside the mother. Dad helps when his seed combines with mom's seed which causes the baby to start to grow. An 8-year-old may want to know how dad's seed gets to mom's seed. Parents may want to talk about dad's seed (or sperm) coming from his penis and combining with mom's seed (or egg) in her uterus. Then the baby grows in the safety of mom's uterus for nine months until it is strong enough to be born. An 11-year-old may want to know even more and parents can help by talking about how a man and woman fall in love and then may decide to have sex.

It is important to talk about the responsibilities and consequences that come from being sexually active. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and feelings about sex are important issues to be discussed. Talking to your kids can help them make the decisions that are best for them without feeling pressured to do something before they are ready. Helping kids understand that these are decisions that require maturity and responsibility will increase the chance that they make good choices.

Teens are able to talk about lovemaking and sex in terms of dating and relationships. They may need help dealing with the intensity of their own sexual feelings, confusion regarding their sexual identity, and sexual behavior in a relationship. Concerns regarding masturbation, menstruation, contraception, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases are common. Some teens also struggle with conflicts around family, religious or cultural values. Open communication and accurate information from parents increases the chance that teens will postpone sex and will use appropriate methods of birth control once they begin.

In talking with your youngster or adolescent, it is helpful to:

• Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
• Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
• Encourage your youngster to talk and ask questions.
• Help your youngster to consider the pros and cons of choices.
• Keep your sense of humor and don't be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
• Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
• Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring, and respect for oneself and one's partner.
• Try to determine your youngster's level of knowledge and understanding.
• Use words that are understandable and comfortable.

By developing open, honest and ongoing communication about responsibility, sex, and choice, parents can help their youngsters learn about sex in a healthy and positive manner.

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