For many kids, their first real experience with loss occurs when a pet dies. When a pet dies, kids need consolation, love, support, and affection more than they need complicated medical or scientific explanations. Kid's reactions to the death of a pet will depend upon their age and developmental level. Kids 3 to 5 years of age see death as temporary and potentially reversible. Between ages 6 and 8, kids begin to develop a more realistic understanding of the nature and consequences of death. Generally, it is not until 9 years of age that kids fully understand that death is permanent and final. For this reason, very young kids should be told that when a pet dies, it stops moving, doesn't see or hear anymore, and won't wake up again. They may need to have this explanation repeated to them several times.
There are many ways parents can tell their kids that a pet has died. It is often helpful to make kids as comfortable as possible (use a soothing voice, hold their hand or put an arm around them) and to tell them in a familiar setting. It is also important to be honest when telling kids that a pet has died. Trying to protect kids with vague or inaccurate explanations can create anxiety, confusion, and mistrust.
Kids often have questions after a pet dies, including: Why did my pet die? Is it my fault? Where does my pet's body go? Will I ever see my pet again? If I wish hard and am really good can I make my pet come back? Does death last forever? It is important to answer such questions simply, but honestly.
Kids may experience sadness, anger, fear, denial, and guilt when their pet dies. They may also be jealous of friends with pets.
When a pet is sick or dying, spend time talking with your youngster about his/her feelings. If possible, it is helpful to have the youngster say goodbye before the pet dies. Parents can serve as models by sharing their feelings with their kids. Let your youngster know it is normal to miss pets after they die and encourage the youngster to come to you with questions or for reassurance and comfort.
There is no best way for kids to mourn their pets. They need to be given time to remember their pets. It helps to talk about the pet with friends and family. Mourning a pet has to be done in a youngster's own way. After a pet has died, kids may want to bury the pet, make a memorial, or have a ceremony. Other kids may write poems and stories, or make drawings of the pet. It is usually best not to immediately replace the pet that has died.
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