Children's Attachment Relationships

A number of childhood problems are particularly worrisome to moms and dads. Lying, stealing, anger or aggression, refusal to follow family rules, withdrawal, and depression are just a few of them. In addition, parents may be troubled because they do not feel a sense of connection with their youngster even at a very early age, or they secretly find their youngster unusually frustrating or even unlikable.

A common feature of parent-child relationships that underlies or runs parallel to many of these troublesome problems is an insecure attachment. Because kid’s early attachment relationships govern other relationships throughout life, early intervention is a key to reducing the long-term effects of attachment difficulties.

What Should I Know About Attachment Relationships?

Attachment is a biologically based strategy that provides emotional and physical protection for kids. Even before birth, a foundation is laid for the bond between a mother and her infant. Attachment relationships begin developing at birth and are generally fully established by eighteen months of age. Infant behaviors such as crying when separated from the parent, seeking proximity to the parent, using the parent as a secure base, and joyfully greeting the parent after separation are attachment-based. Secure attachment results when moms and dads respond sensitively to their kid’s cues and responses.

Research has indicated that school-age kids who are securely attached are more cooperative with their parents, more inclined to competently explore the environment, and more likely to get along with their peers.

Unfortunately, as many as 30% of kids develop insecure attachment relationships with their moms and dads. Insecure attachment may take the form of avoidant, distant behavior or anxious clinging behavior. When kids have insecure attachments with their parents, any number of negative consequences can follow, such as depression, anxiety, a lowered ability to cope with stress, and poor relationships with others.

A disruption in the development of secure attachment could occur due to parental illness, parental unavailability because of other life commitments, or the serious illness of the youngster. Kids who move from foster home to foster home or spend the early years of their lives in orphanages can experience long-term attachment difficulties. In addition, kids sometimes have inborn temperaments or disabilities that can impede the attachment process. Finally, kids who are abused or neglected or otherwise traumatized will often show signs of impaired attachment.

When Should I Seek Help?

Therapy for attachment difficulties may be the primary treatment or may be used along with other therapy. The following are signs of distress that should not be ignored:

When your youngster-

• Defiantly opposes your efforts to set limits more often than not.
• Displays anger that does not seem normal.
• Has difficulty regulating strong emotions.
• Is constantly manipulative, beyond the normal range for kids.
• Is exceptionally clingy to you most of the time, to the point of distress, and there are no other circumstances to explain the clinginess.
• Is frequently distant and doesn’t accept help from you.
• Is hurtful to animals or threatening to other kids or adults.
• Lies or steals despite your interventions and beyond the normal testing of kids.
• Seems more affectionate with strangers than with family members.
• When you feel disconnected from your youngster for long periods of time.

Moms and dads should also consider treatment for a youngster who is affected by autism and other pervasive developmental disorders such Aspergers; for a youngster who experiences Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD); as well as for a foster or adoptive youngster who is having difficulty forming relationships. In all of these childhood problems, kids have difficulties interacting with other people, and attachment therapies can effectively address and treat these problems.

What Is Therapy Like?

There are various models of therapy that are used for treating attachment problems. Moms and dads should explore the treatment options available by consulting with a licensed marriage and family therapist. Because attachment has to do with family relationships, therapists with degrees and licenses in family therapy are an excellent choice.

Typical therapy for attachment problems will include both the parent(s) and youngster. Initially, moms and dads meet with the therapist or, in some models, a team of two therapists, who will ask the parents to describe their experiences with the youngster during pregnancy, and from birth to the present. Parents will also discuss their current concerns regarding the youngster. Therapists may meet with the individual youngster for a period of time while the parents observe, meet with the moms and dads alone, or with parents and the youngster together, but parents fully participate in attachment therapy from beginning to end.

Attachment therapies often involve fun and rewarding activities that enhance the attachment bond while dealing with serious issues. In some cases, attachment therapies can reach their therapeutic goals within approximately twenty sessions.

Secure and insecure attachment relationships are present in every racial and ethnic group. However, how attachment relationships are expressed within these groups can vary greatly. A sensitive therapist will recognize that your youngster’s attachment relationship may well be influenced by cultural differences and adapt their therapy accordingly.

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