The Influence of Music and Music Videos

Singing and music have always played an important role in learning and the communication of culture. Kids learn from what their role models do and say. For many years, some kid's television very effectively used the combination of words, music and fast-paced animation to achieve learning.

Most moms and dads are concerned about what their young kids see and hear, but as kids grow older, moms and dads pay less attention to the music and videos that capture and hold their kid's interest.

Sharing music between generations in a family can be a pleasurable experience. Music also is often a major part of an adolescent's separate world. It is quite common for adolescents to get pleasure from keeping adults out, which causes adults some distress.

A concern to many interested in the development and growth of adolescents is the negative and destructive themes of some kinds of music (rock, heavy metal, hip-hop, etc.), including best-selling albums promoted by major recording companies. The following themes, which are featured prominently in some lyrics, can be particularly troublesome:

• Drugs and alcohol abuse that is glamorized
• Graphic violence
• Sex which focuses on control, sadism, masochism, incest, kids devaluing women, and violence toward women
• Suicide as an "alternative" or "solution"

Moms and dads can help their adolescents by paying attention to their adolescent's purchasing, downloading, listening and viewing patterns, and by helping them identify music that may be destructive. An open discussion without criticism may be helpful.

Music is not usually a danger for an adolescent whose life is balanced and healthy. But if an adolescent is persistently preoccupied with music that has seriously destructive themes, and there are changes in behavior such as isolation, depression, alcohol or other drug abuse, evaluation by a qualified mental health professional should be considered.

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Families & Spirituality

Can spirituality promote a healthier physical life for your loved ones? Recent medical studies indicate that spiritual individuals exhibit fewer self-destructive behaviors (suicide, smoking, and drug and alcohol abuse, for example), less stress, and a greater total life satisfaction.

Much of the research linking spiritual and physical well-being has involved elderly patients; however, the data offer a glimpse into a possible tie between a spiritual life and good health for individuals of all ages.

Although spirituality has been shown to reduce depression, improve blood pressure, and boost the immune system, religious beliefs should not interfere with the medical care youngsters receive.

So what exactly is spirituality and how can it enhance your loved one’s well-being?

Spirituality and Physical Well-being—

Doctors and scientists once avoided the study of spirituality in connection to medicine, but findings within the past 10 years have made some take a second look. Studies show that religion and faith can help to promote good health and fight disease by:

• improving coping skills through prayer and a philosophy that all things have a purpose
• offering additional social supports, such as religious outreach groups

Although research on youngsters hasn't been done, many studies focusing on adults point to the positive effects of spirituality on medical outcome:

• Elderly individuals who regularly attended religious services had healthier immune systems than those who didn't. They were also more likely to have consistently lower blood pressure.

• In a 7-year study of senior citizens, religious involvement was associated with less physical disability and less depression. Death rates were lower than expected before an important religious holiday, which suggested to researchers that faith might have postponed death in these cases.

• Patients undergoing open-heart surgery who received strength and comfort from their religion were three times more likely to survive than those who had no religious ties.

Spirituality and Mental Well-being—

Religious and spiritual beliefs are an important part of how many individuals deal with life's joys and hardships. Faith can provide individuals with a sense of purpose and guidelines for living.

When family members face tough situations, including health problems, their religious beliefs and practices can help them fight feelings of helplessness, restore meaning and order to life situations, and promote regaining a sense of control. For some family members, spirituality can be a powerful and important source of strength.

Medical studies have confirmed that spirituality can have a profound effect on mental states. In a study of men who were hospitalized, nearly half rated religion as helpful in coping with their illness. A second study showed that the more religious patients were, the more quickly they recovered from some disorders. A third study revealed that high levels of hope and optimism, key factors in fighting depression, were found among those who strictly practiced their religion.

Can Spiritual Beliefs Enhance Parenting?

Attending organized religious services may help some family members connect with their spiritual values, but it's not the only way. Less traditional paths also can help youngsters and parents find spiritual meaning.

To foster spirituality within your own family, you may want to examine your own values. Ask yourself: What is important to me? How well do my daily activities mirror my values? Do I neglect issues that matter to me because I'm busy spending time on things that matter less?

Here are other suggestions to start your family's spiritual journey:

• Examine your involvement in the community. If you're already involved in a group, maybe you will want to take on a larger role — first for you, then as a role model for your youngsters. If you haven't joined a community group, consider investigating those in your area.

• Explore your roots. In examining your shared past, you and your youngsters may connect with values of earlier times and places, and gain a sense of your extended family's history and values.

• Read books that express spiritual ideas with your youngsters and share your thoughts about what you're reading.

• Recall the feelings you had at the birth or adoption of your youngster. Try to get back to that moment in your mind, remembering the hopes and dreams you had. It can be the start of a search for similar or related feelings in your everyday life.

• Share some silence with your youngsters. Take a few minutes for silent meditation alone or together. Think about parenthood, your life as an individual, and your place in the larger scheme of things. Spend time discussing these thoughts with your youngsters and listen to their ideas on what spirituality means.

• Take a nature walk. Nature has long been an inspiration and spiritual guide. A walk will relax you and allow you to contemplate the wonders of the world around you.

This search can be conducted on your own or as part of a larger group — a religious community, friends, or your own loved ones. Making a spiritual journey might help you and your family live a healthier life, both emotionally and physically.

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Children and Alcohol

As much as moms and dads may not like to think about it, the truth is that many children and adolescents try alcohol during their high school and college years, long before it's legal for them to drink it. Research has shown that nearly 80% of high school children have tried alcohol.

Although experimentation with alcohol may be common among children, it's not safe or legal. So it's important to start discussing alcohol use and abuse with your children at an early age and keep talking about it as they grow up.

The Effects of Alcohol Abuse—

Alcohol interferes with a person's perception of reality and ability to make good decisions. This can be particularly hazardous for children and adolescents that have less problem-solving and decision-making experience.

Short-term effects of drinking include:

• altered perceptions and emotions
• bad breath
• distorted vision, hearing, and coordination
• hangovers
• impaired judgment, which can lead to accidents, drowning, and other risky behaviors like unsafe sex and drug use

Long-term effects include:

• an increased risk of impotence
• cirrhosis and cancer of the liver
• heart and central nervous system damage
• high risk for overdosing
• loss of appetite
• memory loss
• serious vitamin deficiencies
• stomach ailments

Talking to Children about Alcohol—

Long before your children are presented with a chance to drink alcohol, you can increase the chances that they'll just say "no."

Childhood is a time of learning and discovery, so it's important to encourage children to ask questions, even ones that might be hard to answer. Open, honest, age-appropriate communication now sets the stage for your children to come to you later with other difficult topics or problems.

Preschoolers-

Although 3- and 4-year-olds aren't ready to learn the facts about alcohol or other drugs, they start to develop the decision-making and problem-solving skills they will need later on. You can help them develop those skills in some simple ways.

For instance, let toddlers choose their own clothing and don't worry if the choices don't match. This lets them know you think they're capable of making good decisions. Assign simple tasks and let children know what a big help they are.

And set a good example of the behavior that you want your children to demonstrate. This is especially true in the preschool years when children tend to imitate adults' actions as a way of learning. So, by being active, eating healthy, and drinking responsibly, moms and dads teach their children important lessons early on.

Ages 4 to 7-

Children this age still think and learn mostly by experience and don't have a good understanding of things that will happen in the future. So keep discussions about alcohol in the present tense and relate them to things that children know and understand. For example, watching TV with your youngster can provide a chance to talk about advertising messages. Ask about the ads you see and encourage children to ask questions too.

Children are interested in how their bodies work, so this is a good time to talk about maintaining good health and avoiding substances that might harm the body. Talk about how alcohol hurts a person's ability to see, hear, and walk without tripping; it alters the way people feel; and it makes it hard to judge things like whether the water is too deep or if there's a car coming too close. And it gives people bad breath and a headache!

Ages 8 to 11-

The later elementary school years are a crucial time in which you can influence your youngster's decisions about alcohol use. Children at this age tend to love to learn facts, especially strange ones, and are eager to learn how things work and what sources of information are available to them.

So it's a good time to openly discuss facts about alcohol: its long- and short-term effects and consequences, its physical effects, and why it's especially dangerous for growing bodies.

Children also can be heavily influenced by friends now. Their interests may be determined by what their peers think. So teach your youngster to say "no" to peer pressure, and discuss the importance of thinking and acting as an individual.

Casual discussions about alcohol and friends can take place at the dinner table as part of your normal conversation: "I've been reading about young children using alcohol. Do you ever hear about children using alcohol or other drugs in your school?"

Ages 12 to 17-

By the adolescent years, your children should know the facts about alcohol and your attitudes and beliefs about substance abuse. So use this time to reinforce what you've already taught them and focus on keeping the lines of communication open.

Adolescents are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, and their increasing need for independence may make them want to defy their moms and dads' wishes or instructions. But if you make your adolescent feel accepted and respected as an individual, you increase the chances that your youngster will try to be open with you.

Children want to be liked and accepted by their peers, and they need a certain degree of privacy and trust. Avoid excessive preaching and threats, and instead, emphasize your love and concern. Even when they're annoyed by parental interest and questions, adolescents still recognize that it comes with the territory.

Teaching Children to Say "No"—

Teach children a variety of approaches to deal with offers of alcohol:

• Encourage them to ask questions. If a drink of any kind is offered, they should ask, "What is it?" and "Where did you get it?"
• Remind them to leave any uncomfortable situation. Make sure they have money for transportation or a phone number where you or another responsible adult can be reached.
• Teach children never to accept a ride from someone who has been drinking. Some moms and dads find that offering to pick up their children from an uncomfortable situation — no questions asked — helps encourage children to be honest and call when they need help.
• Teach them to say "no, thanks" when the drink offered is an alcoholic one.

Risk Factors—

Times of transition, such as the onset of puberty or a moms and dads' divorce, can lead children to alcohol use. So teach your children that even when life is upsetting or stressful, drinking alcohol as an escape can make a bad situation much worse.

Children who have problems with self-control or low self-esteem are more likely to abuse alcohol. They may not believe that they can handle their problems and frustrations without using something to make them feel better.

Children without a sense of connectedness with their families or who feel different in some way (appearance, economic circumstances, etc.) may also be at risk. Those who find it hard to believe in themselves desperately need the love and support of moms and dads or other family members.

In fact, not wanting to harm the relationships between themselves and the adults who care about them is the most common reason that young people give for not using alcohol and other drugs.

General Tips—

Fortunately, moms and dads can do much to protect their children from using and abusing alcohol:

• Be a good role model. Consider how your use of alcohol or medications may influence your children. Consider offering only nonalcoholic beverages at parties and other social events to show your children that you don't need to drink to have fun.
• Educate yourself about alcohol so you can be a better teacher. Read and collect information that you can share with children and other moms and dads.
• Teach children to manage stress in healthy ways, such as by seeking help from a trusted adult or engaging in a favorite activity.
• Try to be conscious of how you can help build your youngster's self-esteem. For example, children are more likely to feel good about themselves if you emphasize their strengths and positively reinforce healthy behaviors.

Recognizing the Signs—

Despite your efforts, your youngster may still use — and abuse — alcohol. How can you tell? Here are some common warning signs:

• alcohol disappearing from your home
• association with a new group of friends and reluctance to introduce them to you
• change in attendance or performance at school
• depression and developmental difficulties
• discipline problems at school
• loss of interest in school, sports, or other activities
• secrecy
• sudden change in mood or attitude
• the odor of alcohol
• withdrawal from family and friends

It's important not to jump to conclusions based on only one or two signs. Adolescence is a time of change — physically, socially, emotionally, and intellectually. This can lead to erratic behavior and mood swings as children try to cope with all of these changes.

If your youngster is using alcohol, there will usually be a cluster of these signs, like changes in friends, behavior, dress, attitude, mood, and grades. If you see a number of changes, look for all explanations by talking to your children, but don't overlook substance abuse as a possibility.

Other tips to try:

• Always make sure you have a phone number where you can reach your youngster.
• Have children check in regularly when they're away from home.
• Keep tabs on where your children go.
• Know the moms and dads of your youngster's friends.
• When spending an extended length of time away from you, your youngster should check in periodically with a phone call, e-mail, or visit home.

For adolescents, especially those old enough to drive, consider negotiating and signing a behavioral contract. This contract should spell out the way you expect your youngster to behave and state the consequences if your adolescent drives under the influence. Follow through and take the keys away, if necessary.

Make part of the deal with your adolescent that you and the rest of your family also agree never to drink and drive. Also encourage responsible behaviors, such as planning for a designated driver or calling an adult for help rather than driving under the influence.

It's important to keep communication open and expectations reasonable. Tying responsible actions to freedoms such as a later curfew or a driver's license can be a powerful motivator. Teach your children that freedom only comes with responsibility — a lesson that should last a lifetime.

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The Adolescent Brain: Behavior, Problem Solving, and Decision Making

Many moms and dads do not understand why their adolescents occasionally behave in an impulsive, irrational, or dangerous way. At times, it seems like they don’t think things through or fully consider the consequences of their actions. Adolescents differ from adults in the way they behave, solve problems, and make decisions. There is a biological explanation for this difference. Studies have shown that brains continue to mature and develop throughout childhood and adolescence and well into early adulthood.

Scientists have identified a specific region of the brain called the amygdala which is responsible for instinctual reactions including fear and aggressive behavior. This region develops early. However, the frontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls reasoning and helps us think before we act, develops later. This part of the brain is still changing and maturing well into adulthood.

Other specific changes in the brain during adolescence include a rapid increase in the connections between the brain cells and pruning (refinement) of brain pathways. Nerve cells develop myelin, an insulating layer which helps cells communicate. All these changes are essential for the development of coordinated thought, action, and behavior.

Changing Brains mean that Adolescents Act Differently From Adults—

Pictures of the brain in action show that adolescents’ brains function differently than adults when decision-making and problem solving. Their actions are guided more by the amygdala and less by the frontal cortex. Research has also demonstrated that exposure to drugs and alcohol before birth, head trauma, or other types of brain injury can interfere with normal brain development during adolescence.

Based on the stage of their brain development, adolescents are more likely to:

• act on impulse
• engage in dangerous or risky behavior
• get into accidents of all kinds
• get involved in fights
• misread or misinterpret social cues and emotions

Adolescents are less likely to:

• modify their dangerous or inappropriate behaviors
• pause to consider the potential consequences of their actions
• think before they act

These brain differences don’t mean that young people can’t make good decisions or tell the difference between right and wrong. It also doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions. But an awareness of these differences can help moms and dads, teachers, advocates, and policy makers understand, anticipate, and manage the behavior of adolescents.

Normal Adolescent Development

Middle School and Early High School Years—

Moms and dads are often worried or confused by changes in their adolescents. The following information should help moms and dads understand this phase of development. Each adolescent is an individual with a unique personality and special interests, likes and dislikes. However, there are also numerous developmental issues that everyone faces during the adolescent years. The normal feelings and behaviors of the middle school and early high school adolescent are described below.

Movement Towards Independence—

• Complaints that moms and dads interfere with independence
• Feeling awkward or strange about one's self and one's body
• Focus on self, alternating between high expectations and poor self-esteem
• Improved ability to use speech to express one's self
• Interests and clothing style influenced by peer group
• Less overt affection shown to moms and dads, with occasional rudeness
• Moodiness
• Realization that moms and dads are not perfect; identification of their faults
• Struggle with sense of identity
• Tendency to return to childish behavior, particularly when stressed

Future Interests and Cognitive Changes—

• Greater ability to do work (physical, mental, emotional)
• Intellectual interests expand and gain in importance
• Mostly interested in present, with limited thoughts of the future

Sexuality—

• Concerns regarding physical and sexual attractiveness to others
• Display shyness, blushing, and modesty
• Frequently changing relationships
• Girls develop physically sooner than boys
• Increased interest in sex
• Movement toward heterosexuality with fears of homosexuality
• Worries about being normal

Morals, Values, and Self-Direction—

• Capacity for abstract thought
• Development of ideals and selection of role models
• Experimentation with sex and drugs (cigarettes, alcohol, and marijuana)
• More consistent evidence of conscience
• Rule and limit testing

Young adolescents do vary slightly from the above descriptions, but the feelings and behaviors are, in general, considered normal for each stage of adolescence.

Late High School Years and Beyond—

Moms and dads are often worried or confused by changes in their adolescents. The following information should help moms and dads understand this phase of development. Each adolescent is an individual with a unique personality and special interests, likes and dislikes. However, there are also numerous developmental issues that everyone faces during the adolescent years. The normal feelings and behaviors of the late high school adolescent are described below.

Movement towards Independence—

• Ability to think ideas through
• Conflict with moms and dads begins to decrease
• Examination of inner experiences
• Firmer and more cohesive sense of identity
• Increased ability for delayed gratification and compromise
• Increased concern for others
• Increased emotional stability
• Increased independent functioning
• Increased self-reliance
• Peer relationships remain important and take an appropriate place among other interests

Future Interests and Cognitive Changes—

• Increased concern for the future
• More importance is placed on one's role in life
• Work habits become more defined

Sexuality—

• Development of more serious relationships
• Feelings of love and passion
• Firmer sense of sexual identity
• Increased capacity for tender and sensual love

Morals, Values, and Self-Direction—

• Capacity to use insight
• Greater capacity for setting goals
• Increased emphasis on personal dignity and self-esteem
• Interest in moral reasoning
• Social and cultural traditions regain some of their previous importance

Older adolescents do vary slightly from the above descriptions, but the feelings and behaviors are, in general, considered normal for each stage of adolescence.

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