Grandmothers Raising Grandkids

Grandmothers are an important resource for both parents and kids. They routinely provide child care, financial assistance and emotional support. Occasionally they are called upon to provide much more including temporary or full time care and responsibility for their grandkids.

An increasing number of kids in the United States live in households headed by a grandparent. This trend is due to:

• AIDS
• death or disability of parents
• incarcerations of parents
• increasing numbers of single parent families
• parental abuse and neglect
• substance abuse by parents
• teenage pregnancies
• the high rate of divorce

In many of these homes, neither of the youngster's biological parents is present. In most cases, kids taken care of by grandmothers move in with them as infants or preschoolers and remain with them for five years or more. These grandmothers are a diverse group ranging in ages from the thirties to the seventies. Many grandmothers are ready to simplify their lives and slow down. Giving that up and taking over the responsibilities of being a primary parent again can stir up many feelings including grief, anger, loss, resentment and possibly guilt. This transition can be very stressful and the emotional and financial burdens can be significant. Culture shock at having to deal with kids and adolescents of a different generation can be great. Grandparent headed households have a significantly higher poverty rate than other kinds of family units.

Many grandmothers in this care taking role underestimate or are unaware of the added burdens their new role as "parents" will place upon them. Grandmothers often assume their role will be to nurture and reward kids without having to set limits. When grandmothers serve as parents, however, they must learn to set limits and establish controls as they did with their own kids.

Many kids living with grandmothers arrive with preexisting problems or risk factors including abuse, neglect, prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, and loss of parents (death, abandonment and incarceration). This situation can create risks for both kids and grandmothers. Caring for your grandkid can also be very positive and rewarding. Grandmothers bring the benefit of experience and perspective. They can also provide important stability, predictability, and be a healthy role model for their grandkids.

It is very important for grandmothers to receive support and assistance. Seeking out other family members, clergy, support groups and social agencies can be helpful. The Grandparents Information Center (sponsored by the American Association of Retired Persons) is a good place to get information, referrals and support. The American Association of Retired Persons website address is www.aarp.org. Financial aid may be available especially if the youngster was abandoned, neglected or abused. Mental health professionals including child and adolescent psychiatrists, community mental health and child welfare agencies and parent-teacher associations are other important resources for the grandmothers and grandfathers.

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