Extinguishing the Flickering Flame of Discouragement Before it Becomes the Raging Blaze of Defiance

If a youngster is too discouraged, he/she will often adopt an attitude (at a very unconscious level) of "I can't do anything right." This is the point at which the parent is likely to observe a lot of behavioral problems exhibited by the child.

"Display of inadequacy" is the language used by parenting books to describe the youngster or teenager who gives up, throws in the towel and pitches a pity party. Well-meaning moms and dads can fall into the trap of further discouraging a youngster by their response.

When a youngster exhibits depression-like behaviors of helplessness, a parent is likely to get feeling of despair and feel like they are failing as a parent. The very worst of responses is for a parent to agree with a youngster's opinion that the situation is hopeless. This reinforces the youngster's inadequacy and pushes her/him deeper into the quicksand of self-pity. The next-worst response is for the parent to respond with anger, such as, "Well, if you would get your butt off the couch and try harder you might succeed."

A parent might even stoop to using derogatory remarks like, "You are worthless. If you keep acting like this, you'll never amount to anything."

Discouraged kids and teens are at risk of trying to escape into drugs and alcohol. Chemicals can give a teen a false sense of confidence when under the influence. The problem with the use of alcohol and drugs to cope with feelings of hopelessness is the reality that chemicals do not develop life skills. They merely cover up the feelings of inadequacy and lead to dependency and addiction, adding another layer of inadequacy.

How can moms and dads respond to a youngster in the grip of inadequacy?

First, a parent needs to choose another emotion when faced with a youngster who quits easily, doesn't try to succeed and is pre-occupied with the "woe is me" syndrome. Remember, our behavior follows our feelings. The normal feeling a parent would have is despair. When a youngster is feeling inadequate, it doesn't help to have a despairing parent.

Change your feeling by changing your thoughts. Instead of choosing despair, say to yourself, "My youngster is feeling self-pity. This means that she/he is discouraged. What can I do to encourage my youngster?"

These thoughts will bring a different set of feelings. Believing that your youngster is going through a temporary "funk" and with the right words of encouragement can soon snap out of it.

Listening intently to your youngster can be one of the most powerful positive responses you can do. Listening to a youngster tells the youngster, "I care about you and your feelings." Listening conveys respect.

When a youngster feels respected by a parent, a youngster can grow in self-esteem. Stifle all attempts to criticize a youngster and replace these negative responses and focus instead on your youngster's strengths and talents.

Another encouraging response to youngster who is avoiding an activity, in fear of more failure, is to help a youngster brainstorm on how he might succeed. For instance, if a youngster failed to make the soccer or football team, brainstorm with the youngster on how they might improve their skills, perhaps by attending a ball camp. If the youngster is not doing well in school, you might suggest a personal tutor to help her/him to learn study skills.

A third way to encourage a youngster is appropriate self-discloser. All of us have been through periods of helplessness and feelings of failure. You can normalize their feelings and share stories of when you too had low times and how you learned to cope. Share some stories of others who learned to cope with failures. For instance, share Michael Jordan's story. In junior high school, Michael was cut from the school basketball team. He decided he would work on his jump shot during the summer. We all know how that story ends.

Online Parent Support

When Children Steal

When a youngster or adolescent steals, moms and dads are naturally concerned. They worry about what caused their youngster to steal, and they wonder whether their son or daughter is a "juvenile delinquent."

It is normal for a very young child to take something which excites his or her interest. This should not be regarded as stealing until the youngster is old enough, usually three to five years old, to understand that taking something which belongs to another person is wrong. Moms and dads should actively teach their kids about property rights and the consideration of others. Moms and dads are also role models. If you come home with stationary or pens from the office or brag about a mistake at the supermarket checkout counter, your lessons about honesty will be a lot harder for your youngster to understand.

Although they have learned that theft is wrong, older kids or adolescents steal for various reasons. A youngster may steal to make things equal if a brother or sister seems to be favored with affection or gifts. Sometimes, a youngster may steal as a show of bravery to friends, or to give presents to family or friends or to be more accepted by peers. Kids may also steal out of a fear of dependency; they don't want to depend on anyone, so they take what they need.

Moms and dads should consider whether the youngster has stolen out of a need for more attention. In these cases, the youngster may be expressing anger or trying to "get even" with his or her moms and dads; the stolen object may become a substitute for love or affection. The moms and dads should make an effort to give more recognition to the youngster as an important family member.

If moms and dads take the proper measures, in most cases the stealing stops as the youngster grows older. Child and adolescent psychiatrists recommend that when moms and dads find out their youngster has stolen, they:

• avoid lecturing, predicting future bad behavior, or saying that they now consider the youngster to be a thief or a bad person
• help the youngster to pay for or return the stolen object
• make clear that this behavior is totally unacceptable within the family tradition and the community
• make sure that the youngster does not benefit from the theft in any way
• tell the youngster that stealing is wrong

When the youngster has paid for or returned the stolen merchandise, the matter should not be brought up again by the moms and dads, so that the youngster can begin again with a "clean slate."

If stealing is persistent or accompanied by other problem behaviors or symptoms, the stealing may be a sign of more serious problems in the youngster's emotional development or problems in the family. Kids who repeatedly steal may also have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships. Rather than feeling guilty, they may blame the behavior on others, arguing that, "Since they refuse to give me what I need, I will take it."

Advice for educators—

Stealing is taking things that belong to others without their permission. The act is common in young kids because they tend to be self-centered and feel that it is all right to take what they want from others. A youngster’s true understanding of the concept of stealing usually occurs between the ages of five and seven. By this time, kids can understand the idea of ownership and realize that taking things that belong to others is wrong.

Motives for stealing can differ from child to child, and any one child can steal for a variety of reasons. Kids may steal because:

1. They are expressing displaced feelings of anxiety, anger, or alienation resulting from a major life change such as parental divorce, moving to a new school, or being rejected by peers.
2. They are rebelling against authority.
3. They are suffering a form of abuse and need help.
4. They crave what others have but they cannot buy -- for example: food treats, popular name-brand clothing or electronic equipment.
5. They desire to fit in with a peer group that steals.
6. They have not been taught that stealing is wrong.
7. They have observed the adults in their life take and keep things that did not belong to them -- for example, dad bringing home office supplies or mom keeping incorrect change when the store clerk made a mistake.
8. They have poor impulse control and want instant gratification.
9. They lack family closeness and feel neglected; a stolen object might serve as a substitute for love.
10. They like the thrill that comes from stealing.
11. They need money to buy drugs.
12. They think they can get away with it.
13. They want an adult’s attention.
14. They want revenge for the pain they feel others have inflicted on them so they steal to get even or to hurt someone.
15. They want to appear tough, bold, and important.

Kids who frequently steal tend to exhibit the following characteristics: impulsivity, loneliness, detachment, insensitivity, boredom, anger and low self-esteem. They often have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships. When school personnel demonstrate regard for all students and provide a mutually supportive school environment, theft is less likely to occur.

What can educators do?

1. Ask the guidance counselor to teach lessons on honesty.
2. Compliment and reinforce honest behavior in students.
3. Explain that stealing means taking something that belongs to someone else and that it is wrong, unacceptable and dishonest. Clarify that when an individual takes something without asking or paying for it, someone will be hurt. For example, if a youngster takes someone¹s pencil, he will be unable to do his work. If girl’s bracelet is stolen, she might get in trouble at home.
4. Invite a police officer as a guest speaker to explain the ramifications of theft.
5. Teach the concept of ownership and how it makes others feel to have something stolen from them. Use examples and ask kids questions like, "How would you feel if someone liked your new coat, took it, and said it was his?"

When a youngster is caught stealing, an adult’s reaction should depend on whether it is the first time or if there is a pattern of stealing. When it is the first time, the focus should be on the reason for the theft rather than on the deed itself.

How to Handle a Stealing Situation for First Offenders—

1. Do not label the youngster “bad” or a “thief.” Let the youngster experience a “clean slate.”

2. If you are not sure who took an item, provide an opportunity for the “taker” to return it and save face. For example say, “Whoever found Adam’s hat needs to return it.” Or say, “Everyone look in your backpack to see if Adam¹s hat was accidentally put in it.”

3. If you are sure who took an item, talk to the youngster privately. Do not ask, “Did you take the money?” Instead say something like, “I know you took the money. I am disappointed because I thought I could trust you.” Then you might ask, “Is there a reason you needed the money?” Then listen and try to understand the problems the youngster may be having. One teacher reported that she talks discreetly with a youngster who has been caught stealing. She said that she points out that as a class everyone depends on everyone else. She said that she tells the student that he or she is a fine person and if he takes things from others, they won`t know just how great he is. Then she expresses confidence that the student will not steal again. The teacher also makes it a policy at an unrelated time to put the youngster in the role of being responsible so that she can compliment him in front of his peers.

4. Limit the opportunity for theft to occur by locking up valuable items and by closely observing the youngster.

5. Remain calm. Deal with the situation in a straightforward manner. Show your disapproval, but do not interrogate, lecture or humiliate the youngster.

6. Students who steal need to experience a consequence such as apologizing, returning or replacing the item or making restitution in some other way, as well as losing a privilege. You need to decide what will happen if the youngster steals again and let him or her know what the consequence will be.

7. Take time to ask yourself why the behavior occurred: Is the youngster stealing to call attention to him or herself? What personal problems could the youngster be having? Which of the reasons listed above fit this youngster? Then decide on a way to get to know the youngster better. Examples are eating lunch with him or her and one or two other kids, talking with the youngster on the playground, or meeting with him or her before or after school.

What if the above methods are ineffective, and the student does not express remorse, continues to steal, or has other behavioral problems?

1. Contact the school administrator.
2. Follow the school guidelines.
3. Involve the school counselor or school psychologist who can help the youngster learn appropriate ways of behaving.. An evaluation by a child psychiatrist may be necessary.
4. Make sure the parent is aware of the concern.

Habitual stealing in kids and youth is a major social problem because it can lead to other unlawful behaviors. However, if the underlying problems of frequent offenders can be addressed at an early age, further anti-social behaviors will be less likely to occur. Educators have a responsibility to deal constructively with the youngster who steals, to follow the school rules regarding theft, and to seek assistance from other professionals when considered necessary.

Online Parent Support

S e x t i n g: Texting Nude Pics

In a recent survey posted by The National Campaign, some alarming statistics about teen sexting were uncovered. Sexting seems to be the newest craze among teens and it is a very dangerous craze. Sexting is when a person takes a flirtatious, nude or semi-nude picture of their self and sends it to others through their cell phone or other means of texting device.

Should moms and dads be concerned about sexting? Yes, especially when you read some of the sexting statistics below. Children are sexting to people they only met online, they are sexting to boyfriends and girlfriends or potential companions. Some of the teens are sexting out of peer pressure. Some just do it for fun. But they are doing it and a parent needs to be aware of the potential dangers of sexting.

Not only can sexting ruin reputations, but it can also get your teen arrested for distributing child pornography. This has happened quite frequently lately as you can see by some of the news stories about sexting. The images also get circulated on the Internet. Moms and dads need to monitor their children cell phone very closely. Cell phone monitoring can be done either physically or with the help of a software service like Mobile Spy. Or you can restrict and control the mobile phone with Mobile Nanny.

Here are some of the shocking sexting statistics:

The % of adolescents who have sent or posted nude or semi-nude pictures or video of themselves:

• 11% of young adolescent girls ages 13-16
• 18% of adolescent boys
• 20% of adolescents overall
• 22% of adolescent girls

The % of adolescents sending or posting sexually suggestive messages:

• 37% of adolescent girls
• 39% of all adolescents
• 40% of adolescent boys

More bad news—

• 12 % of adolescent girls felt “pressured” to send sexually suggestive messages or images.
• 15 % of adolescents who have sent or posted nude or seminude images of themselves say they have done so to someone they only knew online.
• 21 % of adolescent girls and 39% of adolescent boys say they have sent such content to someone they wanted to date or hook up with.
• 34 % of adolescent girls say they sent or posted sexually suggestive content to “feel sexy.”
• 36 % of adolescent girls and 39 % of adolescent boys say it is common for nude or semi-nude photos to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.
• 40 % of adolescent girls said they sent sexually suggestive messages or images as “a joke.”
• 44 % of both adolescent girls and adolescent boys say it is common for sexually suggestive text messages to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.
• 44 % of both adolescent girls and adolescent boys say they sent sexually suggestive messages or images in response to such content they received.
• 48 % of adolescents say they have received such messages
• 51 % of adolescent girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images; only 18 % of adolescent boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason.
• 52 % of adolescent girls used sexting as a “sexy present” for their boyfriend.
• 66 % of adolescent girls and 60% of adolescent boys say they did so to be “fun or flirtatious”; their most common reason for sending sexy content.
• 71 % of adolescent girls and 67% of adolescent guys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent or posted this content to a boyfriend or girlfriend.

If the individual in the picture is under 18 years old, then taking, sending, or possessing the photo is in violation of child pornography laws. As it stands today, if an individual under the age of 18 takes a nude photo of herself and distributes it to others, she is in violation of these laws.

The penalties for these crimes are stiff: you can get life in prison, and even if you are paroled, you have to register as a sex offender. Such registration means your name and picture will be on the Internet and other media, making it hard for you to get a job. Many sex offenders have had to move multiple times because their neighbors harass them.

Most authorities are calling for some semblance of common sense in the matter of sexting. Child pornography laws obviously were not intended for teenagers.

“They’re young kids,” Florida detective Neil Spector said in an article in the April 24, 2009, edition of The Treasure Coast Palm. “The best thing we have been doing is talking to the parents. Just like the Internet, parents are oblivious to this activity because it is so new.”

The Prevalence of the Problem—

Partly because they are just “young kids” and lack mature judgment, sexting is becoming a more common practice among teens.

A survey of 1,280 young individuals that was conducted this year by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenage and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl magazine found that one in five teenagers has “sexted,” as well as one in three young adults, ages 10 to 26 years old. Girls sexted as often as boys, and the most common reason was to be “fun and flirtatious.”

Even though many teens believe sexting is harmless, authorities in certain counties are indeed prosecuting them as child pornographers. These officials take the matter seriously, pointing to cases like that of Jessica Logan, a 16-year-old Ohio girl. Jessica sent a nude picture of herself to her boyfriend, who then transmitted all over their high school. She subsequently hanged herself.

Enforcing the Laws—

Right now several teens are facing legal charges for sexting, including one 14-year-old New Jersey girls who published 30 nude pictures of herself on the social networking site MySpace.

According to an article in the April 19, 2009, edition of the Akron Beacon Journal, the Center for Missing and Exploited Children saw these photos and contacted their New Jersey Task Force, which in turn contacted the Passiac County Sheriff. The girl now faces 17 years in prison if convicted.

Other cases include the following:

• A New York boy who broadcast sexy pictures from a party to over 300 classmates is also facing charges.
• One Florida teen who engaged in "sexting" has to register as a sex offender until he is 43 years old.
• Similar cases are scheduled to be adjudicated in Pennsylvania and Vermont.
• The one case every prosecutor is watching involves two Florida teenagers who took pictures of themselves having sexual contact and kept them on a computer. This case went all the way to the Florida Court of Appeals, which ruled that the pictures could become child pornography.

What all this means is that teens can get into serious trouble for sexting, although many unanswered questions remain, such as the following:

• Are these kids protected under Freedom of Speech laws?
• Is it fair to confiscate cell phones from students in classrooms, and then comb through them for evidence?
• Why are jurisdictions applying laws to minor children that were meant to protect them, not imprison them?

Advice for Parents & Teenagers—

The best advice for parents is to talk to their youngsters about what can happen if they engage in sexting. Some “talking points” might be the ones recommended by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenaged and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Don’t engage in sexting because of peer pressure.
• Nothing digital is private anymore.
• Nothing you post on the Internet ever really goes away.
• Nothing you post on the Internet is ever really anonymous.

Some surveys found that females felt pressure from their boyfriends to participate in sexting, even when they did not want to. The pressure also worked the other way: many males receive sexy pictures as a way for females to get dates from them.

Talk to your youngster about using judgment in these matters, especially since the laws are unclear, and the potential consequences could be life-changing.

Online Parent Support

Psychiatric Medication for Kids and Teens

How Meds Are Used—

Medication can be an effective part of the treatment for several psychiatric disorders of childhood and adolescence. A doctor's recommendation to use medication often raises many concerns and questions in both the parents and the youngster. The physician who recommends medication should be experienced in treating psychiatric illnesses in kids and teens. He or she should fully explain the reasons for medication use, what benefits the medication should provide, as well as possible risks and side effects and other treatment alternatives.

Psychiatric medication should not be used alone. The use of medication should be based on a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation and be one part of a comprehensive treatment plan.

Before recommending any medication, the child and adolescent psychiatrist interviews the youngster and makes a thorough diagnostic evaluation. In some cases, the evaluation may include a physical exam, psychological testing, laboratory tests, other medical tests such as an electrocardiogram (EKG) or electroencephalogram (EEG), and consultation with other medical specialists.

Meds which have beneficial effects may also have side effects, ranging from just annoying to very serious. As each youngster is different and may have individual reactions to medication, close contact with the treating physician is recommended. Do not stop or change a medication without speaking to the doctor. Psychiatric medication should be used as part of a comprehensive plan of treatment, with ongoing medical assessment and, in most cases, individual and/or family psychotherapy. When prescribed appropriately by a psychiatrist (preferably a child and adolescent psychiatrist), and taken as prescribed, medication may reduce or eliminate troubling symptoms and improve the daily functioning of kids and teens with psychiatric disorders.

Medication may be prescribed for psychiatric symptoms and disorders, including, but not limited to:

1. Anxiety (school refusal, phobias, separation or social fears, generalized anxiety, or posttraumatic stress disorders)-if it keeps the youngster from normal daily activities.
2. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)-marked by a short attention span, trouble concentrating and restlessness. The youngster is easily upset and frustrated, often has problems getting along with family and friends, and usually has trouble in school.
3. Autism-(or other pervasive developmental disorder such as Aspergers)-characterized by severe deficits in social interactions, language, and/or thinking or ability to learn, and usually diagnosed in early childhood.
4. Bedwetting-if it persists regularly after age 5 and causes serious problems in low self-esteem and social interaction.
5. Bipolar (manic-depressive) disorder-periods of depression alternating with manic periods, which may include irritability, "high" or happy mood, excessive energy, behavior problems, staying up late at night, and grand plans.
6. Depression-lasting feelings of sadness, helplessness, hopelessness, unworthiness and guilt, inability to feel pleasure, a decline in school work and changes in sleeping and eating habits.
7. Eating disorder-either self-starvation (anorexia nervosa) or binge eating and vomiting (bulimia), or a combination of the two.
8. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)-recurring obsessions (troublesome and intrusive thoughts) and/or compulsions (repetitive behaviors or rituals such as hand-washing, counting, checking to see if doors are locked) which are often seen as senseless but which interfere with a youngster's daily functioning.
9. Psychosis-symptoms include irrational beliefs, paranoia, hallucinations (seeing things or hearing sounds that don't exist) social withdrawal, clinging, strange behavior, extreme stubbornness, persistent rituals, and deterioration of personal habits. May be seen in developmental disorders, severe depression, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, and some forms of substance abuse.
10. Severe aggression-which may include assaultiveness, excessive property damage, or prolonged self-abuse, such as head-banging or cutting.
11. Sleep problems-symptoms can include insomnia, night terrors, sleep walking, fear of separation, anxiety.

Types of Meds—

Psychiatric meds can be an effective part of the treatment for psychiatric disorders of childhood and adolescence. In recent years there have been an increasing number of new and different psychiatric meds used with kids and teens. Research studies are underway to establish more clearly which meds are most helpful for specific disorders and presenting problems. Clinical practice and experience, as well as research studies, help physicians determine which meds are most effective for a particular youngster. Before recommending any medication, the psychiatrist (preferably a child and adolescent psychiatrist) should conduct a comprehensive diagnostic evaluation of the child or teen. Moms and dads should be informed about known risks and/or FDA warnings before a youngster starts any psychiatric medication. When prescribed appropriately by an experienced psychiatrist (preferably a child and adolescent psychiatrist) and taken as directed, medication may reduce or eliminate troubling symptoms and improve daily functioning of kids and teens with psychiatric disorders.

1. ADHD Meds: Stimulant and non-stimulant meds may be helpful as part of the treatment for attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). Examples of stimulants include: Dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine, Adderal) and Methylphenidate (Ritalin, Metadate, Concerta). Non-stimulant meds include Atomoxetine (Strattera).

2. Anti-anxiety Meds: These meds may be helpful in the treatment of severe anxiety. There are several types of anti-anxiety meds: benzodiazepines; antihistamines; and atypicals. Examples of benzodiazepines include: Alprazolam (Xanax), lorazepam (Ativan), Diazepam (Valium),and Clonazepam (Klonopin). Examples of antihistamines include: Diphenhydramine (Benadryl), and Hydroxizine (Vistaril). Examples of atypical anti-anxiety meds include: Buspirone (BuSpar), and Zolpidem (Ambien).

3. Antidepressant Meds: Antidepressant meds may be helpful in the treatment of depression, school phobias, panic attacks, and other anxiety disorders, bedwetting, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, personality disorders, posttraumatic stress disorder, and attention deficit hyperactive disorder. There are several types of antidepressant meds. Examples of serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRI's) include: Fluoxetine (Prozac), Sertraline (Zoloft), Paroxetine (Paxil), Fluvoxamine (Luvox), Venlafaxine (Effexor), Citalopram (Celexa) and Escitalopram (Lexapro). Examples of atypical antidepressants include: Bupropion (Wellbutrin), Nefazodone (Serzone), Trazodone (Desyrel), and Mirtazapine (Remeron). Examples of tricyclic antidepressants (TCA's) include: Amitriptyline (Elavil), Clomipramine (Anafranil), Imipramine (Tofranil), and Nortriptyline (Pamelor). Examples of monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOI's) include: Phenelzine (Nardil), and Tranylcypromine (Parnate).

4. Antipsychotic Meds: These meds can be helpful in controlling psychotic symptoms (delusions, hallucinations) or disorganized thinking. These meds may also help muscle twitches ("tics") or verbal outbursts as seen in Tourette's Syndrome. They are occasionally used to treat severe anxiety and may help in reducing very aggressive behavior. Examples of first generation antipsychotic meds include: Chlorpromazine (Thorazine), Thioridazine (Mellaril), Fluphenazine (Prolixin), Trifluoperazine (Stelazine), Thiothixene (Navane), and Haloperidol (Haldol). Second generation antipsychotic meds (also known as atypical or novel) include: Clozapine (Clozaril), Risperidone (Risperdal), Quetiapine (Seroquel), Olanzapine (Zyprexa), Ziprasidone (Geodon) and Aripiprazole (Abilify).

5. Long-Acting Meds: Many newer meds are taken once a day. These meds have the designation SR (sustained release), ER or XR (extended release), CR (controlled release) or LA (long-acting)

6. Miscellaneous Meds: Other meds are also being used to treat a variety of symptoms. For example: clonidine (Catapres) may be used to treat the severe impulsiveness in some kids with ADHD and guanfacine (Tenex) for "flashbacks" in kids with PTSD.

7. Mood Stabilizers and Anticonvulsant Meds: These meds may be helpful in treating bipolar disorder, severe mood symptoms and mood swings (manic and depressive), aggressive behavior and impulse control disorders. Examples include: Lithium (lithium carbonate, Eskalith), Valproic Acid (Depakote, Depakene), Carbamazepine (Tegretol), Gabapentin (Neurontin), Lamotrigine (Lamictil), Topiramate (Topamax), and Oxcarbazepine (Trileptal).

8. Sleep Meds: A variety of meds may be used for a short period to help with sleep problems. Examples include: Trazodone (Desyrel), Zolpidem (Ambien), Zaleplon (Sonata) and Diphenhydramine (Benadryl).

Questions to Ask—

Medication can be an important part of treatment for some psychiatric disorders in kids and teens. Psychiatric medication should only be used as one part of a comprehensive treatment plan. Ongoing evaluation and monitoring by a physician is essential. Moms and dads and guardians should be provided with complete information when psychiatric medication is recommended as part of their youngster's treatment plan. Kids and teens should be included in the discussion about meds, using words they understand. By asking the following questions, kids, teens, and their parents will gain a better understanding of psychiatric meds:

1. Are there any activities that my youngster should avoid while taking the medication? Are any precautions recommended for other activities?
2. Are there any laboratory tests (e.g. heart tests, blood test, etc.) which need to be done before my youngster begins taking the medication? Will any tests need to be done while my youngster is taking the medication?
3. Are there any other meds or foods which my youngster should avoid while taking the medication?
4. Are there interactions between this medication and other meds (prescription and/or over-the-counter) my youngster is taking?
5. Does my youngster's school nurse need to be informed about this medication?
6. How long will my youngster need to take this medication? How will the decision be made to stop this medication?
7. How will the medication help my youngster? How long before I see improvement? When will it work?
8. Is this medication addictive? Can it be abused?
9. What are the side effects which commonly occur with this medication?
10. What do I do if a problem develops (e.g. if my youngster becomes ill, doses are missed, or side effects develop)?
11. What is known about its helpfulness with other kids who have a similar condition to my youngster?
12. What is the cost of the medication (generic vs. brand name)?
13. What is the name of the medication? Is it known by other names?
14. What is the recommended dosage? How often will the medication be taken?
15. Will a child and adolescent psychiatrist be monitoring my youngster's response to medication and make dosage changes if necessary? How often will progress be checked and by whom?

Treatment with psychiatric meds is a serious matter for parents, kids and teens. Moms and dads should ask these questions before their youngster or teen starts taking psychiatric meds. Moms and dads and kids/teens need to be fully informed about meds. If, after asking these questions, parents still have serious questions or doubts about medication treatment, they should feel free to ask for a second opinion by a child and adolescent psychiatrist.

Online Parent Support

What To Do When Children & Teens Won't Get Up For School

The alarm goes off and the morning battle begins: you knock on your youngster’s bedroom door to wake him, but you have to go back time and again to make sure he’s actually up, your voice rising with each “wake-up call.” As the minutes tick by and he still hasn’t gotten out of bed, you resort to screaming and yelling in his face, and then tear the blankets off the bed. In desperation, you pull him out of bed by his feet, though you know you won’t be able to do that for many more years. A screaming match ensues, and now your youngster has missed the bus, so you have to take him to school. You’ll be late for work again, and you feel your blood pressure rising with every traffic light. Finally, your youngster slams the door of your car, and you head to work, agitated and upset, sure that your boss will make a comment again today about your lateness.

If you find yourself bending over backwards to get your youngster going in the morning, you’re not alone. Many moms and dads set their own alarms an hour or more in advance in order to start the process of waking up their youngster. In many cases, consequences and punishments seem to have no effect.

Adolescents need an average of nine hours of sleep per night. Biological sleep patterns during adolescence make it difficult for adolescents to get to sleep before 11 pm, and nearly impossible to wake up in time to catch the bus or make it to homeroom on time. What that means is that when your youngster has to get up early to get to school, he or she is working against a biological drive to sleep. But just because a kid’s biology doesn’t match up with the demands of the outside world, it doesn’t mean that you have to surrender to the daily insanity of getting your kids up and out of the house.

OPS tells moms and dads to stop taking responsibility for getting their kids out of bed on time. If you repeatedly bang on your youngster’s door to get them up, or you drag them out of bed, you are working harder to wake up your youngster than they are. You are substituting your extra energy and effort for your youngster’s. So if you think about it, why should your youngster get up on their own when you are willing to do it for them? If they know they don’t really have to get up until mom threatens to bring the ice water, why should they get up at the first ring of the alarm? Ten more minutes is ten more minutes, right?

In order to get your youngster to adhere to the morning routine, you need to give them the responsibility for getting up. Sit down with your youngster and have a discussion about getting up in the morning. You might say, “You and I have a hard time in the morning. I am no longer going to be responsible for getting you up on time. I will give you one wake up call, and then it’s up to you. If you miss the bus, I will not drive you to school. You will need to either find another way to get there, or you will need to call your teachers to get your assignments.”

This solution may not work for all families. Your youngster may be too young to leave at home while you’re at work; walking to school might not be an option. You’ll need to customize the consequences and expectations to your own family situation. If you do have to drive them to school because they overslept, maybe the consequence is that they have to do an hour of chores to make up for the time you lost.

The important thing to realize is that as long as you take responsibility for getting your youngster out of bed, they will let you do it. It may take a few days for them to get the hint, but once you stop working so hard, they will realize they have to change their behavior, or face certain consequences.

A natural consequence for oversleeping and being late to school is making up any schoolwork that was missed. You might also check with your school to see what the policy is for repeated tardiness or missed classes. Don’t protect your youngster from these consequences by making sure they make that bus on time. In order to create less dramatic mornings, you have to let your youngster experience the consequences of not getting themselves up and out the door.

OPS recommends that moms and dads institute an earlier bedtime. You might tell your youngster: “You seem to have a hard time getting up in the morning, which tells me you aren’t getting enough sleep. You need to be up by 7 am on school days. As of today, we are moving your bedtime back to 10 pm on school nights. Once you have shown us that you can get up on time for five days in a row, we’d be happy to move your bedtime back to 11 pm.” If your youngster does not get up on time, simply state: “I know you want a later bedtime. You’ll have to figure out how to get yourself up on time in order to have that privilege.”

Because of the biological drives I mentioned earlier, it may be hard for your adolescent to go to sleep before 11 p.m. Going to bed by 10 is going to be a little “uncomfortable” for your youngster. In time, the discomfort and annoyance of having to get into bed with the lights out and no electronics may motivate him or her to get out of bed on time in the morning. Once your youngster has gotten up on their own for five days in a row, you can change their bedtime to a later hour. If they begin to oversleep again, change it back to 10 pm until they improve.

What if your youngster doesn’t know how to help themselves get up in the morning? Remember, adolescents and pre-adolescents are fighting against a physiological drive that tells them to sleep later than many school start times. In order to change their behavior, they need a plan, not just wishful thinking.

If your youngster has a hard time getting up, have them come up with a list of things they will do to help themselves get out of bed on time. Changing to an earlier bedtime may help. Putting the alarm clock across the room, instead of next to the bed, may also help. Have your youngster pack their school lunch, pick out their clothes and organize their backpack the night before so that they don’t have to do it in the morning. Remember to put the responsibility for getting up in the morning on your youngster. If you do it all for them, they have no reason to do it themselves.

Online Parent Support

Teaching Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Teaching Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Teaching a youngster with Oppositional Defiant Disorder can be frustrating, challenging and exhausting. However, it is important to remember that the student is suffering, too. These children have mental deficits that may be a result of negligence, economic disadvantages or neuro-chemical imbalances. They are not acting this way just to make everyone else miserable – even though it may sometimes seem that way! Though these children can be disruptive or upsetting, there are useful strategies for helping them act appropriately.

Focus on Prevention—

Kids with Oppositional Defiance Disorder may have deficits when it comes to dealing with frustration. He therefore counsels educators to work on identifying the types of activities that are likely to cause frustration in the youngster and help him or her develop coping mechanisms. The definition of good parenting and good teaching is being responsive to the hand you've been dealt.

Establish Expectations—

Most children respond well when educators clearly state their behavioral expectations. This is especially important for children with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Educators may start by stating two or three behavioral goals for the student. These goals may include expectations such as “I will accept the word No” - or - “I will follow directions.” If possible, include these expectations on a behavioral chart and monitor progress throughout the day. Have the student state the expectations at the beginning of the day, and restate it as needed.

Praise—

Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder often act as though they don’t care about others. However, using praise whenever appropriate can make teaching these children much more effective. Educators who use a behavioral chart to monitor expectations should be sure to reward good behavior, too. A smile or word of praise from a teacher can mean a great deal.

Consequences—

While children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder do respond to praise and should be given some flexibility, they also need to know that their behavior will have consequences. The consequences should be appropriate and meaningful, but they MUST be something the youngster wishes to avoid. Some kids, for example, love doing chores in the classroom, so this would not be an effective consequence for inappropriate behavior. Educators who know their children can choose consequences that will help their children with Oppositional Defiance Disorder consider the risks very carefully before engaging in disruptive behavior.

Though working with children who have Oppositional Defiant Disorder can involve extra work, it can also be rewarding and enlightening for educators who take the time to understand the student’s condition and establish clear expectations with predictable positive and negative consequences for their actions.

Thoughts for Educators of Children Identified As Having ODD—

1. Acknowledge small steps toward improvement by whispering a positive comment to the youngster. Avoid expressing your feelings like, “I am so proud of you!” Instead say something like, “This is A+ work.” Or, you could write a note to give to the student or to mail to him/her.

2. Ask the school counselor to work with the student individually or in a small group to help the youngster develop anger management and social relationship skills.

3. Avoid arguing, lecturing, or threatening a youngster with ODD because he/she will most likely view your words as rewarding rather than as punishment.

4. Avoid raising your voice or exhibiting any emotion. Be neutral and calmly say something like: “Since you broke the rule this is what you will do.” Be like a referee who simply states the consequence and holds the player accountable. Do not allow the youngster to argue. Just restate what happens when a rule is broken.

5. Believe in the youngster`s ability to manage his/her behavior in an appropriate way.

6. Discover what the youngster truly enjoys doing such as participating in a sport or hobby.

7. Focus on only a few problem behaviors at a time. Decide what behavior you will ignore and what you will not accept. Communicate the consequences for those you cannot tolerate.

8. Furnish a place for the youngster to regroup and release negative emotions in a time-out area. You could say to the youngster, “Would time in the rest area be helpful?” or "Your time will begin when you go to the rest area." If regarded appropriate at your school, provide clay to squeeze, a pillow to punch, or old magazines to tear as a way for the student to release some of his or her hostility.

9. Have clear expectations and firm rules and boundaries.

10. Identify skills or attributes that you can reinforce.

11. If deemed helpful, devise a way to show the youngster that he or she is making progress. For example, use stickers, tokens, or marks on a chart that could be traded for privileges that are reinforcing to the student. The following are a few ideas: extra computer time, eating lunch with a friend, additional free time, helping a favorite teacher or doing a classroom task.

12. Meet privately with the student about specific concerns, but first establish that you will be respectful toward each other. Be calm as you discuss his/her actions. You could say something like, “Tell me what you think the problem is that keeps you from being successful in school.” Listen to the youngster without interrupting. Decide together on a behavior plan that can be copied and shared with the student.

13. Post classroom rules and a daily schedule so that the youngster knows what to expect.

14. Provide recognition when the youngster exhibits appropriate behavior. However, be aware that since many kids with ODD feel compelled to do the opposite of what you want, avoid direct, lavish praise. For example, following a commendation, the student might retaliate by tearing up his/her work or by hitting someone.

15. Provide some closely supervised cooperative learning activities to assist the student in learning constructive ways to interact with peers.

16. Realize that any sort of change in the classroom routine may be upsetting to a youngster with ODD.

17. Realize that teaching a youngster with ODD is difficult, stressful, and exhausting; so take care of yourself.

18. Seek assistance from the school administrator, counselor, psychologist, special education teacher, or other school professional when you feel overwhelmed or when you feel you or the kids in your classroom are unsafe due to the behavior of a student with ODD.

19. State your directions in simple, straightforward language. Be as clear, immediate and as consistent as possible.

20. Understand that you are not the cause of the defiance, only an outlet for it.

21. When dealing with a youngster with ODD, it is important to remember that behavior management techniques that work well with other children may be ineffective with him/her. The youngster will frequently misbehave and annoy adults to elicit a reaction.

22. When necessary, meet with the moms and dads and other adults who interact with the youngster so that everyone can present a united front. Since these kids are adept at convincing others that someone else caused their behavior, they usually are not included in this meeting. After stating the problem, brainstorm ideas on ways to assist the student in improving his/her behavior. Agree on a behavior plan or contract for the behaviors necessary for the youngster to be successful in school. Examples are, “Keep my body in my own personal space,” or “Follow directions with no more than one reminder.” The group decides on the details and on the positive consequences for the student`s compliance. Those involved with the student outside of school need to come up with a plan also. They need to follow through with a mix of appropriate positive and negative consequences.

23. When possible concede control to an object such as a clock or the bell. You could say, “Be ready to go when the bell rings,” rather than, “I want you to get ready to go!”

24. When problems arise, questions you could ask the youngster are: “Is what you are doing working for you?” “What would work better?” “What could you have done differently to avoid the problem?” “How may I help you?”

25. Work hard to establish trust with the student by being fair and consistent.

Online Parent Support